Sneeps

NEW BLOG

2009-04-29T14:42:00.002-06:00

I am trying to keep up to date on a family blog, as this one has turned into a blog just about me.

The web address is-

www.3ringcircus-hangz.blogspot.com

I will try to update this one as well with personal happenings.....but......I have not been good at doing it so far. BIG SUPRISE!!

Me Likey

2009-03-19T14:46:00.000-06:00

Taking a second look at past life choices

2009-02-22T19:23:00.003-07:00

I had my grandmother over for dinner tonight. Big deal right? People have their Grandma's over for dinner all the time, right? Well, not me. My paternal Grandmother is 82 years old, and I have barely had any contact with her in the last 16 years.

There is something very eye opening about staring at a human being whom you remember being so strong minded and stubborn, turn into a fragile person who can no longer walk well, see well or hear well. I have come to regret some choices I have made in my life, simply by seeing her tonight. She is a basic stranger to my children, I hardly ever talk about her to them. When they saw her, I had to explain who she was to them. The last 16 years have not been kind to her. She is so frail. It is bizarre to me how I can take so much pride in being a loving caring person, a person willing to bend over backwards to help a family member, a friend, or even a stranger if needed. But there is something about me that kept this past relationship with her so far off in my distant memory, that there were very few times I remembered the actual good times I had in my life, and allowed myself to focus on the negative thoughts I have carried for so many years.

Who the fuck am I to sit back and judge her for her life choices? I have never dealt with the struggles that she has been presented with. I have not seen life through her eyes. I have not shared in her misery, nor her joy. I have simply refused to be compassionate and decided to live my life in ignorance.

I learned that there is way more to my personality that needs a second look. I need to look at others that I do not have tolerance for, and see how my own inability to love others has made me a person I am ashamed of being.

I also learned that if I had half of the integrity my father had for standing by his family, always looking out for their best interest, and giving my whole self to others more unfortunate, I would and could finally be a person that can look into the mirror and be proud of the person starring back at her.

Path of self discovery....Take 1

2009-01-18T19:29:00.002-07:00

School-

Ahhhhh......my mind is racing constantly, trying to find the best option for me. I have enrolled in school, but have already dropped one class. I am really beginning to think that the only option for me is to take online classes. I can not believe the programs available for online universities. It give me the hope back that I have been lacking. The only draw back is the COST! Holy shit, it is expensive! I am willing to do it though if it brings me what I want. I can not express the lack of self worth I have for not finishing college. I have a child getting ready to go to college in two short years, and here I am, trying to go back.

This is one small portion of the journey in finding myself again. I am going to be such a kick ass person once this is over......I can't wait!!

(And don't worry, I am not turning into some whiney ass pussy girl, I am still going to be the same hard core, bacon lovin', rum drinkin' bitch I have always been, just the 'New and Improved' version!)

Don't give up on me!!

2009-01-06T11:05:00.002-07:00

I have missed writing. I have let the craziness of life interfere with the one thing I can do to release, or just spend time alone writing. I know I don't do much of it, especially here anymore, but don't give up on me. I plan to reorganize my thoughts and smack them down right in your faces, here for you all to see!

2009 is going to be an exciting year for me. I have gone back to college, well, registered, I start next week. I am on a journey to improve all things about myself I do not like. By the end of this year, I will be a new Heather....or shall I say, just the old Heather .......that even I have missed.

Stay tuned, I am about to rock your socks!

Party Like A Rock Star

2008-11-19T15:12:00.003-07:00

You know you have awesome friends when they are willing to dress up like rock stars and have a rockband night. Here are a few pictures of our crazy night.

For some reason the boys thought it would be funny to try on my shoes and attempt walking around in them. Here is Jason taking on the task. What a sexy beast.

You know your husband loves you when he is willing to wear eyeliner for you.....grrr.....

What the hell?

Nikki and Addie posing for a picture.

Spencer.....this is Spencer. To know Spencer is to love Spencer. He is crazy, essentric and just plain out of control. There is no one that could be more 'out there' than our dear friend.

Again with the shoes!! Here is Spencer displaying his ability to walk in my shoes, or just look like a jackass......you decide! (*note-if you do attempt to watch the video....turn your head to the side......sorry!!)

Noah's annual cardiologist appointment

2008-11-09T09:37:00.003-07:00

It has actually been almost two weeks since he saw the cardiologist. Sometime there are things you hear that take you a while to grasp, and memories of what 9 years of having a child with a heart problem have been like. There is no other way to describe it but a roller coaster. You are looking for hope everywhere you look, while being overflowed with information that you are still trying to grasp.

"How did this happen to OUR child?"
"What went wrong, what did I do?"
"What does the future hold?"

There has never been a moment in my life that I considered Noah anything short of a miracle. ALL children are miracles, but Noah has stunned the medical world with his progress. Even at times when I heard the words, "Noah has to go back to surgery.......again", a time when I just wanted scream, "WHY HIM???, WHY DOES HE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS?" He not only overcame everything, he did most of it in record time. Is it possible to forget every surgery your child has gone through? I know I can sit down and write it down, but it is a moment you anticipate, you dread, you look forward to, a moment when they are going to help give your child life, but at the same moment, take him from you loving arms, when you have nothing to do put put all your hope in miracle workers, and sit empty in a waiting room where you actually count down every single minute of the 6-8 hours on the ticking clock. The best way I can describe it is to think of holding your breathe for that long. Even the moment when you see the surgeon enter the door, you sink farther in the hole, until he smiles at you, giving you that instant moment of knowing he made it through surgery. The surgery itself is just one major part of it. Then you still deal with the progress and set backs that come in the ICU. It really never ends, but you take life minute by minute, because that is what you have at the time. Sitting back and looking at those memories, I still can not believe that Gabe and I survived that. It was never easy, but it was a time in my life where I proved I had more courage than I ever thought possible.

Even when he has a doctor appointment scheduled for nothing more than a check up, I feel a sinking pit in my stomach. As he lays in in a dark room, getting an echocardiogram, my mind transforms itself back to watching a small baby laying sedated as I try to read the sonogram machine, like I have any idea what I am looking at. I blink and realize that I am watching an amazing 9 year old boy, who grows and thinks and learns and absorbs every bit of the world around him. He has an amazing future ahead of him, a future that I feared for every minute of his precious life.

Noah is doing amazing. His cardiologist said we could not possibly hope for anything better at this point, in fact, he is doing better than ever could be expected. He is a miracle and has baffled the medical world. He has every bit of confidence that he will grow up to be an old man with grandchildren running around driving him nuts.

That is my son, my Noah.

Did it really happen?

2008-11-05T19:47:00.002-07:00

I am ecstatic. I watched history last night, I screamed and danced because I am use to being the loser, the one that came close but did not avail. Yes, I have hope that we can find unity in a country so divided and relief from the current administration. A man with an open mind, who fought a good fight to take on a country during such troubled times.

I live among people without my same point of views. I take great pride in the fact that I stay informed on current events, and am able to block out all the absurd comments and racial point of views around me. I realize that others are just as passionate about their beliefs as I am about mine. I stay clear of arguments, and keep my opinions bottled up as not to upset people I respect. I believe that political point of views shall not come between people, just as religious point of views should not come between people. That is being said from a non-Mormon Democrat from Utah, so how much could my voice be heard? With that said, I must admit that I am so disappointed that times when I felt angry with what I was hearing I sat in silence and stewed over how people and their racial views. I am stunned by how much hatred this election brought out in people. It made me sad. I am glad the election is over.

It is time to move forward people. You just survived 8 years of the worst president in the history of our great country. Open your eyes and your hearts to a man who has overcame a life that has gone through every aspect of what 'living the American dream' consist of.

Disneyland Trip

2008-10-30T14:38:00.008-06:00

October is the perfect month to go to Disneyland.

At least for me since Halloween is my all time favorite holiday.

They have the place all decked out.

This is the display they have by City Hall.

Here is my boyfriend Jack. I know, I know, no flash photography in The Pirates of the Caribbean ride.....I couldn't help it, it was like he was ASKING me to take his picture!

More cuteness. These were all around the light posts down Main Street.

The Haunted Mansion was decorated as Nightmare Before Christmas, which in my opinion, they should change to ALWAYS look this way. It was awesome!

I actually started crying on this ride, I was just so happy!

Noah was chosen for the Jedi Training Academy, so he learned to fight like a real Jedi and was able to kick the crap out of all Dark Side Villains. He was so excited!!

The Ladybug ride in Bugs Life land was so cute. All the rides there were adorable.

They make the whole area look as if you are a teeny tiny bug looking up at the world.

Kimberli and Brooklyn on Dumbo.

It was hard to get a picture of Zane where he actually stood still.....

He doesn't look that amused here, but I can assure you, he had the time of his life!!

We were in the 'stunt' teacup for this picture. They were still eating their ice cream on the real ride, which was a sticky mess, but oh well, kids will be kids!

Ashlyn and Zane had a blast playing in the water.

At one point, Zane actually dunked himself in the whole fountain.

Crazy little monkey.

We didn't see everyone in our group while we were there, but keeping twenty people together can be quite a challenge. It was nice to finally catch up with the Wilson clan so the kids could get a chance to play together. The rest of the group went and rode some bigger rides while Carrie and I stayed back and hung out with the little kids.

I did lose Noah at one point when he told me he was bored and wishes he were with his Dad. I said I wish he were to if he was going to complain, then I went to check on Zane. While I was gone, he went over to Carrie and asked for a map and left. I came back to discover Noah had left, and Carrie had no idea what he was up to. I guess he thought he could find his Dad.

After a frantic search, he found his way back to Carrie while I was out searching for him. I know he didn't realize how dangerous it was to take off like that, but I am glad he was okay.

I still wanted to strangle him when I saw him though!

The day we arrived in California, we went to Universal Studios Hollywood. The only thing I really wanted to see was the new Simpson ride and of course, Curious George. I was so happy to see him, all dressed up as a pirate, I didn't stop to think it was probably some 20 year old girl with a monkey costume on watching me run at her going, "Really lady?"

My boys by Sponge Bob. Zane's whole face is being covered by his big ass hand.

It was an amazing vacation, and I cant wait to do it again.

It went by way too fast, but we will be back.....so be prepared, we will be back....

Tags for Fall

2008-09-29T16:07:00.002-06:00

Halloween Party
Pumpkin carving
Leaves Changing
Darkness
My Birthday
Elections
Cool Air
Lounge Wear
Football
Hoodies everyday!
Rainboots with skulls
Soup
Lazy Sundays (not anymore though!)

Back to School-2008 Edition

2008-08-25T09:03:00.004-06:00

Nikki and Noah started school on August 20th. Nikki is a high school/college student now,

little Miss Smarty Pants!!

Noah started his new school, Entheos Exploratory Academy. So far it is going great, he really loves the atmosphere, however, he is not too stoked about wearing uniforms.....again.

I know, he needs a little bit of a haircut, it is getting a little shaggy on the top.

Ahhh, how did I reach a point in my life when I have a kid in 'high school'? Seriously, she was just born wasn't she?? She is signed up for drivers ed., that just blows my mind. She is also the age Gabe and I were when we met eachother. Life is crazy I tell ya, flat out bananas.

Well, here we go, another reminder that they are getting older.

Carnivals are for 4 year olds!!

2008-08-25T08:46:00.004-06:00

We organized a carnival for the youngsters big day. He is amazing, adorable and too perfect for words. It was a crazy festivity, but I think it turned out great. He seemed to enjoy it, but let's face it, he would have enjoyed anything as long as there was frosting to be had.

Yup, four years old already.....

As always, the cake lady made another masterpiece, 4 dozen cupcakes and a two tiered cake complete with cookie animals

Bounce House, it really is all you need to have a good time.

We had face painting, carnival games, a bounce house, a b.b.q. and a cotton candy machine. Thanks to everyone who helped, I would not have been able to manage all the shit I planned with out my many helpers. I would especially like to thank Meg for telling me that while the older kids were making there arms a big cotton candy stick and swirling it in the machine, Addie was in fact making big mounds of the sweet goodness and piling it in a garbage bag and stashing it in the house. She ALMOST got away with it!!

OUCH!!

2008-07-28T09:37:00.004-06:00

Here are the results of my bike accident this weekend

that occurred while trying to save some kleenex........don't ask!!

It's my KNEE!!

Fitting In

2008-06-24T23:45:00.002-06:00

I have always been protective of Noah because of his heart condition , let's say OVER PROTECTIVE. My biggest fear is something ever happening to him, my next biggest fear is him feeling left out because he can not physically do everything he wants.

I saw him feel left out tonight. I saw a look on his face that broke my heart. The only thing Noah has really ever asked for was to do karate, which his cardiologist said he could not do. After speaking to an instructor at a karate school, he assured me Noah could make a full black belt without ever having contact with anyone, therefore he would be safe. Everything was going great in his class, he has had fun, learned new things and has gained confidence. This was everything karate is suppose to be. Tonight his class began sparring, which is the first time he has ever had it. I wasn't expecting it and neither was Noah. He does not have the gear for it, which I have worried about him feeling left out because of it, but he really does not need it since he will not be fighting. I watched his poor little face turn so sad when the teacher asked them to put their sparring gear on and he had none. He stood on a white star in the middle of the room while everyone else was dismissed. It broke my heart and I began to cry. One of the student teachers asked him why he wasn't sparring and he said, "I can't because of my heart surgery." Again, I cried. Watching him say that made me realize that he will always have these situations in his life, he 'can't'....not wont, not shouldn't....but CAN'T!! I cried more. He looked at the instructor in front of him ready in a sparring stance, him without any protective gear on not sure what was happening, raised his hand in the air and asked if he could use the bathroom. I cried. I asked Gabe to run back there with him to see if he was okay. After awhile of him being away, I ran back there to realize that he was getting sick in the bathroom. I cried. He opens the door with a little tear soaked face and I asked him if we could go outside and talk.

He let me know he was scared someone was going to hurt him, and he hated feeling left out. His instructor met us outside and explained to him that no one was going to hurt him. He felt better after this and seemed very confident going back to class. Once we were home, we talked to him and decided to spend the money on the gear he can wear even though he doesn't need the protection, because the $250.00 it costs is more than worth never seeing that look on his face again.

Lots of Stuff

2008-06-12T16:27:00.003-06:00

The Cure in San Diego- amazing! I always have such a surreal feeling when I see them. I loved playing at the beach, just laying in the sun running sand through my fingers without a care in the world. That is until I had to deal with a few work issues, which did not make Gabe very happy.

Indian Food
Bad Hotels behind strip clubs
The Cure
Coronado Island
Condoms in the Elevator
Delayed Flights

Minnesota- I am homesick. Not for Utah, for Minnesota. I have a very strong belief that I will live there. This is not just a feeling of going somewhere and loving it, it is a feeling that it is where I belong. Seeing Katie is always awesome. I love her too death, even though I have no idea why we 'work'. We are both married to the most amazing men on earth. Yes Gabe, if you read this, I acknowledge the fact that you are nothing less that spectacular. I got a new tattoo, which is pretty fucking fantastic while I was there. It was a quick trip, but worth every minute. All 23 of my mosquito bites couldn't even sway me from my love of the land of 10,000 lakes. Adison is totally in love with little Charli Jane, Sean and Katie' daughter.

Waffles with Ice Cream
Tattoo
I Kissed a Girl
Mosquito's
Rum and Coke
Delayed Flights

I am feeling really lost lately. I truly believe it will take a lot for me to find myself again. I guess the most important thing is that 'I do' find myself one day. I want to, I want to live happily again without self doubt and sadness. I have great things in my life, I just need to realize that I deserve them.

The Cure-Salt Lake City

2008-05-25T13:34:00.003-06:00

Wow, let me just start off by saying WOW!!

I can associate so many of my life experiences with this single band. The first time I saw The Cure, I was 16 years old. I slept out for tickets downtown, and the whole night was nothing but a massive fucking party. The most significant thing about it at the time, was Gabe and I were together then. We had been going out for about seven months, and I was so in love. When the concert came around, I was pregnant with Adison, although I was not aware for a few weeks later. I had front row seats to that concert, front fucking row to see the most amazing band I have yet to compare anything to.

The second time I saw them, I was a young mother, still with Gabe, and not even close to the person I was just a few years prior to that. I had seventh row seats to that concert.

The thrid time I saw them, I thought for sure they were ending. Their album Bloodflowers had came out, and all the lyrics seemed to me to be about their time coming to an end. I saw them in Las Vegas at The Hard Rock Hotel were there were only a few thousand people allowed in the venue. It was all g/a, so we had to wait outside all day in 112 degree temperatures just to ensure we would be standing as close to the stage as possible. I was with Gabe and my best friend Kim. Noah was just over a year old, and we had been through so much with him at that point. A week later, I saw The Cure in Salt Lake City (5th row), then the next day Kim and I jumped on a plane and saw them in Denver the next night---without Gabe. It was amazing to see them 3 times on that tour.

The sixth time I saw them, I slept out for tickets with Kim and Adison. At this point, there is no need to sleep out for tickets, however, we wanted to have that experience again. I was pregnant with Zane, and my due date was August 18th, the exact date the concert was. I told my doctor either this baby is born, or I go to a concert with him. I was suppose to be on bedrest and had a hard pregnancy, so luckliy I was enduced exactly 1 week before the concert. It was a hard concert to be at, not being fully healed from having Zane, I sat in a suite with my friend Melissa because our tickets were g/a, and I knew I would not hold up the whole night standing in front of the stage. I missed being with Kim during that, and Gabe had given my ticket to Spencer, so I was no were near them. I felt alone without them, but I felt very lucky to get to see them despite everything else.

The seventh time, this last time, was amazing. I felt so alive seeing them, just knowing that even as I have followed this band from my days in middle school, they have followed me through so much as well. I sat in the 11th row with Gabe, the person I was with when I had first seen them 16 years before, my best freind Kim who has always been in my life, she is my rock, my Dad, who is going through radiation therapy right now for cancer, and my daughter Adison. My daughter who is approaching the age I was when I saw them for the first time.

I will be seeing them again on June 3rd in San Diego with Gabe and Kim. I can't wait for that show, I know it will be amazing.

I could go on and on about this all day, but I will end here. Go buy Distinigration if you have never really listened to The Cure. This single album changed my life, and I still find comfort and inspiration from it.

Richard Simmons

2008-05-16T23:53:00.006-06:00

Again, click title....

Regarding the fact of Gabe being compared to Richard Simmons.
Gabe's shorts aren't nearly as short, nor is his hair nearly as nice!!

Go watch it!

2008-05-16T18:42:00.002-06:00

Click on the blog title.

I think it is awesome, but then again, I am pretty sick!

This is NSFW, so dont do it Mother Trucker!

He's ALL MINE!!

2008-05-15T14:43:00.002-06:00

I get my Gabey Baby ALL weekend!

He has been working so much overtime lately, I swear I never get to see him anymore. I plan on reconnecting with a bottle of Sailor Jerry and a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on my bedroom door.

The word of the day is....

2008-05-07T14:16:00.002-06:00

DEFEATED

This is the word I can best describe my life right now. I feel completely and utterly defeated in every aspect.

I have a feeling it would be the word that best describes Gabe's feelings toward me as well.

Jabbed right in the ASS!

2008-05-05T16:14:00.002-06:00

I was sodomized by my bike seat this weekend. Not even my nice padded riding shorts could help with the rock hard seat on my new road bike. Every little crack in pavement sent pain so irritating, that every time I went over a lovely bump I cringed.

I did slide off my seat when going of a curb once, because the thought of that was just too much. Little to my surprise, I just got a nice jab to the ol' hot pocket by the bike frame.

I will be buying a padded seat pronto, I don't care how silly it looks. I might even stitch a god damn couch cushion right to my ass.

Dear 'Other" Knee,

2008-04-30T18:46:00.003-06:00

Are you fucking kidding me? As I lay here with ice on you, I wonder what the hell you are thinking. I imagine it is somewhere along the lines as, "Hey, do you know what I think would be funny?" "If I decided to now cause Heather pain since she is on the rebound from the last surgery and she is gearing up for some good stuff."

Ha ha ha knee, you are hilarious. You know what else you are? A fucking evil bastard, so BITE ME!

Yours truly,
Heather

P.B.R. and Cinnamon Bears if ya Finish!!

2008-04-20T21:31:00.003-06:00

Yes, it's true. Gabe has not yet reached his level of sadistic behavior,

so he ran his 9th Marathon. I can not believe he has done 9 already.

I think he is a pretty awesome mother trucker!

Z-Man loves his Daddy.

Noah looking handsome and windblown.

More Cowbell. I wrote this sign before I even knew he had written it on his race number.

Despite what the homeless in Las Vegas think of marathon runners, we totally believe in Gabe!

Nikki and Goonie waiting for Gabe.

It has recently been brought to my attention that I may not be the supportive wife as I have been in the past. Gabe has started to think that I view his marathons as more of a pain in the ass, and not as an accomplishment of a lifetime, let alone 9 times over.

It isn't true. He has more drive and determination than anyone I have ever met, and I could not be more proud of him. I have serious pride telling people that he is a runner, and I look at him as unstoppable. I look up to him, and I am honored to be by his side as he takes on this monster of a task, and kick it's ass every time.

10 miles with a helmet

2008-04-13T13:28:00.005-06:00

I got my ass up this morning and put it on my bike. I met Uncle Mike over at the Jordan River Trail and we rode together. Hmmm, where do I start??

I didn't take my ipod, but I did turn it up way loud in the truck on the way there and blasted 'Too Drunk Too Fuck" by The Dead Kennedys before I got started. I thought it might get my adrenaline up a little bit. Punk music always gets me stoked for just about anything.

I, of course, am waaaay out of shape. Really, you ask? Why yes, I am. I guess my obvious physical appearance wouldn't lead you to believe so, but I am. I did really good for awhile, then at one point I lost my footing while changing gears when going up a slight incline. I recovered, but after that, I felt behind. Mike was nice enough to wait for me, or at least not act too annoyed when my sorry ass caught up with him.

I wore a helmet, at Gabe's request. Imagine that, I am not to be trusted on a moving object without protective head gear on. I am actually surprised Gabe doesn't make me wear one while driving in a car! Oh shit, shouldn't have said that.......I probably gave him a few ideas. I do believe that I was the only one this morning wearing a helmet, other than the adorable 4 year olds riding their bikes with training wheels and a stuffed fucking puppy in the basket. I felt like people passed me half expecting me to have drool coming out of the side of my mouth because I was 'special'.

Well, I did make it 10 miles. 10 miles is not bad in my opinion since I have not physically been on my bike in 2 years. I did lie to my physical therapist about being on one, but lying and doing are two entirely different things, or so I have been told.

I'll keep you updated on my progress. Who knows, maybe by the end of this week I will have gone 11 miles! Whoa, dream big!!!

Not knowing where to start, or what to say

2008-04-01T15:59:00.003-06:00

Life had really been insane lately.

Noah turned 9 on Sunday, Addie turns 15 tomorrow, and things will never be the same for our family.

How can one 4:00 in the morning phone call change so many lives? I have come to look at life so differently in the past two weeks. I see it as a gift I am lucky to have, yet at the same time, it is so fucking unfair. I am at a loss as to how things work, where you go from here, how to look at things as any other way but fucked up. I literally ache for Mike, Obie and Nikki. I am so sad to see such sorrow brought to a family who has experienced so much already.

I look at my kids and feel I have to remind them everyday that their Aunt Debby loved them for fear one day they will not remember, mainly Zane, since he is so young. He looks at her picture and says, "My Aunt Debby loves me, and I miss her." He really doesn't understand what any of this means, but he hears people talking about her and it is the only response he has. I know for the rest of us there are so many awesome memories that we will always have, but there are times I want a re-do. I want to do things we talked about, even just going out with my friend Jenny for drinks. We thought we had all the time in the world. Why would we think any differently? Jenny and I have definitely become closer from this. We were drifting apart a lot, but we both had so much love for Debby, we have found comfort with each other during this.

I am still in shock I think. I still don't believe it. I can close my eyes and hear the doctor....word for word, say it, but it still has not registered. How can it?

Reminders of Debby-

Margaritas
"It's the best"
Dancing in the kitchen
Taking care of Noah
Stuffing for Thanksgiving
Sunglasses
Crocs
Bringing a flask to dinner to 'spruce up our drinks'
Hippie
Birkenstocks
Particular
Nordstrom
Listening
Chicken Noodle Soup with chicken and celery picked out
Toast cut into 4 squares
"Mmmm kay"
Love, love, so much love!

Love you Aunt Debby!!

Tell someone

2008-03-21T16:02:00.001-06:00

Tell someone you love them today, hug them a little tighter and feel them here a little longer

Somebody STOP ME!!

2008-03-17T15:28:00.008-06:00

I just can't help myself, there is way too
much pretty going on here!
Are those skulls on the side?
Why "yes" they are,
thank you for noticing.

Thanks to Zappos, I am
again wearing some
kick ass new doc's.

Shut Up Mo' Fo'

2008-03-12T11:23:00.003-06:00

I am so sick of people and their negative comments. True, I am by far not Ms. Merry Sunshine, but seriously, SHUT IT!

Why is it there are people who have to have an opinion on anything you may be doing in your life, and strike it down hard? I have no idea why certain people believe they have any right to have a say with their 'so called' vast knowledge that begins to make you question yourself and the nature of your actions. I say no more! I am taking a step back and taking control of my life and my actions-no matter what your opinion is about it!

The Biggest Loser audition tape is in the mail, despite what you may think!

Jealous?

2008-02-18T12:17:00.001-07:00

Look what is adorning MY feet this afternoon after the UPS guy arrived!

Tiners Day Gifts

2008-02-18T10:42:00.004-07:00

As usual, Gabe and I followed our tradition of making each others Valentines Day gifts. It is our way of not falling for a made up holiday in order to show each other we are in love.

I made him an 'XO Box' that looked like his Xbox that we just shipped away for repairs. I thought he would find it amusing, however, he just thought I was being mean....sad! Well, he did 'technically' follow the rules by making me a macaroni necklace, which is mighty classy I must say. I have been wearing it, and when people stop me and say, "Oh, did your kids make that for you?" I get to grin widely and say, "No, my husband did" They look a little perplexed by my answer. He also gave me a card with a $25.00 itunes card in it (not following the rules) and he made me a tattoo fund jar with $ 75.00 to get my sleeve going. We need to get this bitch done!!!

He cheated, he spent money which is a no-no, but I will accept it, as it came from him, my Romeo.

Not good

2008-01-30T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am trying, I really am
I look for the answer
and end up with nothing
The darkness is getting bigger
and I have no will

Weekend Happenings

2008-01-20T11:17:00.000-07:00

Friday was the first day this week I wasn't working overtime (blasted W-2's), so I was really looking forward to being home. Kim came over with her two nieces and two nephews and we had a sleepover. Are you crazy you ask? Including Zane, we had 5 kids under 4 years old. I can tell you with all honesty, it was way better than working late....that's for sure.

Saturday I went to a baby shower for Minya, Chako's sister. Later that night Kim and I went to The Bravery concert at In The Venue. There was ample amount of energy there, let me tell you. I think my favorite part was the 5 frat brothers wearing Abercrombie hoodies that were trying to prove to everyone around them that they were wasted, so what better way to do that than all dry hump each others legs with their tongues hanging out! Grrr.......

I know, I know, I live an exciting life.

Cover up boys!

2008-01-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

I find the fact that they have a clearance section really interesting!

http://www.condomjungle.com/Default.asp?Redirected=Y

Deang....I'm just sayin'

2008-01-05T20:23:00.000-07:00

More than half my life....from this day forward

2008-01-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

Today is an all too important day for me. Gabe and I started dating 16 years ago today, which means from this day forward, I have had this amazing man with me for over half my life.

A few months after we started dating, he gave me picture of an old couple laughing together holding hands on the street. He told me when he gave it to me he thought of us growing old together when he looked at it.

I still have that picture.

Happy New Year Bitches!!

2008-01-02T17:54:00.001-07:00

'Nuf Said!

I don't see what anyone else can see in anyone else...but you

2007-12-30T14:55:00.000-07:00

I finally saw 'Juno' today, and what a great movie.

The whole teen pregnancy subject has been on my mind a lot lately thanks to a few family members whom I suppose think it is open invitation to take jabs at me even 15 years after the fact. I have been completely down on it, and seeing this movie brought up a few feelings which could not have been predicted. For some reason I could not stop crying. Even at the moments I found funny, I somehow I went back 15 years ago and felt myself experiencing the same thing all over again.

I have a great life. A husband who rules my world, children I adore more than anything, and I know none of it would have been possible without Adison. She started our family, she is where it all began. With that said, it didn't make it easy to grow up so fast and miss out on years of adolescence. I feel like I really put myself last for so long that I am not sure what it would be like to think of myself before others. There were moments of needing acceptance while trying to be in dependant in the movie that I could totally identify with. I am not sure if anyone who hasn't been through it would have even noticed. I truly felt this character. I loved her quick wit and admired her way of having a solution to all things happening.

I think falling in love when you are 16 years old seems unreal to most people. It even seems silly to me having a teenage daughter that she could meet someone this young who she could spend her life with. But I did. I found someone at the age of 16 who completed me so much, and am lucky enough to still have him at the age of 32.

Go see the movie, you wont regret it. It also has a killer soundtrack.

Best Christmas....EVER!!

2007-12-26T19:37:00.000-07:00

What an awesome Christmas. I have been dreading this holiday for months. All the bullshit shopping, wondering what to get everyone, and if it is good enough. I had in mind what to get the kids, but other than that, I had no desire to even look for anyone else. After working a long day on Christmas Eve, I really started to feel it. Coming home to the kids, looking forward to the dinner with Gabe's family that night, then staying up late with Gabe after the kids had gone to bed just seemed perfect.

The kids actually slept in until 8:00, so Gabe and I had a few hours of sleep before the big day. My parents both came over to watch them open their presents. I was amazed at how truly happy and grateful the kids were. Not even one frowny face when a gift was opened, NOT even when it was underwear!! Everyone seemed to be happy and content. Just perfect.

We went over to my Mom's that afternoon for dinner with the rest of the family, which was equally awesome. After the rough year my Mom had with her health, it was so neat to see her in the Christmasiest of all Christmas moods possible. (Is that even a word? -Christmasiest.....hmmmm....whatever) Gabe went and grabbed the new guitar hero game and xbox 360 Noah got for Christmas, and had the whole family completely enthralled in the game. They were getting as excited watching it being played as the ones playing it. I totally fucked up 'Anarchy in the UK-----what a pitiful punk rocker I ended up being. Looking back on it, I just can't believe what a fucking awesome day it was, especially how I have been feeling lately.

Best parts of Christmas were-

Hearing Noah running up and down the hall after seeing Santa had been here

Zane giving himself whip lash ridding his new horse....he looked as if he were going to fly right off the thing

Addie just being sweet....it is a rare occasion lately

Watching A Christmas Story 5 times from Christmas Eve until Christmas Day

Staying up with Gabe until 3:00 in the morning putting together toys

Warm apple pie with cheese

Rain boots with skulls

Snowing Christmas Eve until Christmas morning

Perception of my obsession

2007-12-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

It rips me up
It claws at my soul
It consumes me
Oh GOD how it fucking consumes me!!
My every thought revolves around its ever growing existence
If I only I could make it stop

Excited to go to the sneak preview of 'JUNO', but all we got was this lousy t-shirt

2007-12-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

I was all excited to go see Juno, as I have been following Diablo Cody ever since Gabe and I bought her book Candy Girl and read it together on a flight back from Virginia almost two years ago. I am very curious to see her take on a teen pregnancy storyline, since, as you know, I myself was a teen parent. I was even more excited to see that it wasn't going to contain the usual after school special drama involving school drop outs, living on the streets, or life wasted by a huge decision too big for most adults, let alone a young kid with their whole future ahead of them.

After coming to the sad realization that we didn't have anyone to watch the boys, Gabe took Addie for a daddy-daughter date. I was jealous, but super excited to hear Gabe's perception of the movie. Well, after several text message exchanges involving the loooong ass line they were in, no fucking hot chocolate left, and free t-shirts, they were anxious to bid me far well as they were the next in line to be seated.

Sold Out, all full.

What the fuck. Seriously, that was a huge disappointment. At least they got free t-shirts. I guess I will have to wait until it hits the big screen. Like I wasn't going to see it there anyways.

Christmas Music

2007-12-09T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I took the kiddos out looking at twinkly lights, and I had a sudden urge to stick on some Christmas music. Well, I found two radio stations that were playing blissful carols, and let me tell you, I would have rather been masturbating with a cactus than listening to the god awful tunes that were streaming through the speakers. Maybe it is Utah, maybe it is Christmas in general, but where is the diversity, where is the love/hate relationship that exists with the holidays. Christmas is not always the sweet perfection the songwriters would like you to believe- where is the greed, the gluttony, the absurdity?

I came home and put on The Reverend Horton Heats, We Three Kings right away. All Christmas music should be like that. Something you could sing along with, not roll your eyes to. Something you can FUCK to, not make love to, something you can enjoy and not want to stab at your ears with a sharp object. Okay, okay, okay, they are just covers of Christmas classics, but they are sooooo much better.

Bah Humbug!

My Space Whore

2007-12-06T15:48:00.000-07:00

I did it, against all my beliefs, I now have a myspace page. I have really enjoyed looking at peoples profiles and laughing my ass off!!

http://www.myspace.com/beepersneeper

Not much to look at, very basic.

You'll Never Make It!

2007-12-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

We left Friday for Las Vegas so Gabe could run yet another marathon. Holy shit, the dude is nuts. The drive down there sucked when we hit some bad weather, but after Gabe took the wheel, I felt much safer. Ahh, my knight in shining armor.

Once there, we did a quick wash of the ol' p.t.a. so we could head over to the House of Blues to see Social Distortion. It was kick ass. Social D is always awesome in concert.

Hey Melissa, he was wondering if you want some weed. Inside joke, sorry about that.

Saturday we left for the runners expo where Melissa and I get to pretend we are as awesome as Gabe is and stop at all the booths to discuss marathon training, healthy eating tips, etc., etc. In reality, I am just there to grab as many free samples as I can before thy give me the ol' up and down and realize I am not in any shape to be running a marathon. Hey, wait a minute.....

After that we headed over to the Bodies exhibit. I was very much against going. I get a little dizzy when looking or talking about about medical issues, so the thought of looking at bodies that have been preserved was not all that appealing to me. I was so wrong. It was the most interesting thing I have ever seen. I can not believe what complicated creatures we are. Later that night I got my drink on in the hotel. I really didn't realize how much I had drank until my words were getting a little slurry and I was not making much sense.

The next morning, Gabe left for the marathon, and we packed up so we could meet him at the first cheer spot. Once we met him at mile 7, we were around Freemont Street in the old yucky part of Vegas. There were a bunch of homeless guys yelling stuff at the runners. Our favorites were-

"You'll never make it!"

"Hey, your going the wrong way!"

"I know how long a marathon is!"

"I heard a happy little story about a girl who killed herself"

After the race, we got us some In and Out Burger then hit the road. Needless to say, Melissa and I did not run the Santa 5k we said we would. Like I said.....needless to say!

Virginia is for Lovers

2007-11-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures from our trip to Virginia. I swear to God I saved some of Noah and Zane playing, but apparently I am a bad Mom and my second child has not been represented. More of Noah to come.

My favorite thing to say was, "Come on Mom, get in your chair, let's push you around some more." There were a few time I let her go down a hill without me holding onto her,

but I always managed to catch her.

It was fun to hear her scream at me as she realized in pure terror there was nothing

she could do. Evil, evil child.

Dad (Gabe's), Me and Gabe standing in front of Victory Monument in Yorktown.

Addie in a tunnel. Not sure why, but whatever.

A close up that isn't so cute, but hey, I have to let you see my not so pretty side ONCE in awhile!

A Late Birthday Wish To Me!!

2007-11-13T13:55:00.000-07:00

I hope this year is better than the last twelve months.

You know, it will be because 32 is soooo much better than 31.

I am way more mature now, that's it, I now look at life through grown up eyes.

Nikki made me this kick ass cake that was so chocolaty, I thought I was going to die, seriously, DIE from chocolate.

I can only think of one other thing that would be better to do rather than eating chocolate

when I die, but we do not need to mention what that would be.

(hey Gabe, wink,wink)

As I mentioned before, I am more mature now. With that in mind, the following picture was taken before my birthday, so it doesn't count.

I was imitating my cousin Katie as we went through a tunnel that was....gasp....under water!! She is terrified of tunnels!! She would be much prettier than I am going through that tunnel, and would most likely be wearing something pink and sparkly!

I am not sure why I posted that on this particular blog entry.

Oh yeah, it's my blog so I can do whatever the fuck I want!

Note: I would like to thank the Minnesota Vikings for not only losing on my Birthday, but being shut out by them in Green Bay. Way to go team, way to show your appretiation to your fans. Thanks!

Oh my God, he's a winner

2007-11-13T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well, he did it, he won. Noah took first place in the reflections contest for the story I posted earlier about his plan to raise money for Primary Children's. What a kid, he is handsome and has a brain, GOOD GOD!! More than anything, he is excited that people are so willing to help for his cause, and is greatly appreciative to everyone who wants to help.

16 is sweeeeeeet!!

2007-11-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

Happy 16th Birthday Nik, you old fart!!

I can make a difference by.....

2007-11-07T14:12:00.000-07:00

I can make a difference by....
written by: Noah Griffith

I was born with 3 chambers in my heart instead of 4. My heart was having problems so the doctors took care of me. I had several open heart surgeries to make me better. Since the doctors at Primary Children's took care of me, I want to help other children.

My plan is to donate books from money I will raise. I will have my family come help me talk to others about what I want to do. I know they would help me because it means a lot to the kids at Primary Children's.

I thought books would be a good idea because I feel like I am in a different place when I read a book. I think the children would enjoy feeling like they are in a different place other than the hospital.

This was Noah's reflection contest entry for literature. He has already started raising money for his cause. If any one else would like to help, please let me know. Everything helps, and it will mean so much to Noah to know that his goal has been accomplished for helping others.

San Diego.... which is German for 'Whales Vagina'

2007-10-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

First off, the whole reason we went to San Diego this past weekend was to see The Cure perform. Well, they postponed their tour, and we got stuck with the option of losing the money we spent to see them in San Diego, or flying out for basically a day and just hang out. Hmmmm, I wonder what we did.

I am just getting right down to it, I am getting right to the point.

Once we got there, I was thumbing through the local publication checking out things to do there, when I stumbled across an ad for a show where a band who call themselves 'The Cured' was doing a tribute show. Sounds good right, since The Cure is the only reason we were in San Diego that night, why the fuck not, right....WRONG!!

I was working off a buzz on the floor while the opening band was performing. They did all 80's cover songs, so it was pretty much like watching live karaoke. Once they were done, I stood up to go check out the front portion of the stage where I pretty much planned on staying to watch 'The Cured' I should have stayed on the floor, or better yet, in my hotel room.

Yes, I am being cynical. What did you expect you say?? Well, if a band exist just to do cover songs of a band which must be a favorite to all members of the band, or else why even be there in the first place, how could they butcher the songs and perform so badly. I know tribute bands are different because they imitate the group, rather than take a song and make it there own, but it was god awful, just plain ass fucked up.

Here is a breakdown of my complaints-

You don't do segways. You do not introduce every song before you play it. You start the music, the the crowd yells and cheers as they recognize what songs is being played. My favorites were- "I was at a concert once and a guy got up on stage and started kissing me, it was really weird." Then they started playing A Man inside my Mouth. Or when he said, "Want to go for a Walk?" Then played A Walk. I can go on and on with each song introduction, but I wont, for my own sake.

You don't dress like the band and try to imitate them. Yes, you are a tribute band and that's what you do, but don't. You just look ridiculous, and can not be taken seriously as a Cure fan, let alone a band if you look like that. BTW, Robert Smith has not worn that much red lipstick since the 90's.

If you are going to try and imitate The Cure, you don't do a costume change. Leaving to put a hockey jersey on is not amusing, even to Cure fans who know why you did it.

Know the lyrics. It is hard enough to get past the complete train wreck in front of you to start singing along, but to drop lyrics and change them during a song is bad....even for you.

Faking an English accent. Need I say more?

I think I will stop now, it is pissing me off more when I think about it. I even ended up being more upset about not seeing The Cure while we were there, which was something I had come to accept before we left. I was excited for Kim though, she was having a good time just taking it for what it was worth, which is one of the many reasons why she is a better person than I am. It was amusing though making eye contact with a girl next to me as we both laughed at the performance and rolled our eyes together at what we were seeing.

Enough!

I did have a great time there though. It was nice to get away for the day just to play in the ocean and drive around without worrying about much of anything.

The Universe Is Against Me

2007-10-09T21:24:00.000-06:00

I am sick of having bad days. I have so much bad energy around me, it is just bringing me down. This just hasn't been my year. I think I said that last year too...... yeah...... pretty sure this is the second bad year in a row.

So, why do you ask?? Why is today yet another bad day for me??

I broke my fucking toe. It hurts like a Mother Fucker and I am pissed off.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!!

Bye ...Bye...Pink Hair

2007-09-20T11:29:00.000-06:00

What do you think??

10 God Damn Amazing Years!!

2007-09-20T10:19:00.000-06:00

You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold

You say you want your story to remain untold

All the promises we make

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You say you'll give me a highway with no-one on it

Treasure, just to look upon it

All the riches in the night

You say you'll give me eyes in the moon of blindness

A river in a time of drought

A harbor in the tempest

All the promises we make, from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

You say you want your love to work out right

To last with me through the night

You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold

Your story to remain untold

Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break, from the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you

Happy 10th Anniversary Baby!!

Never in my life could I have imagined being so lucky

as to get to grow old with you!!

Back to School, oh Back to School, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool

2007-08-27T11:52:00.001-06:00

Here we go again. Another reminder that the kids are getting older.

School started this morning. Adison is starting her first official day of High School,

even though she is still in Junior High, she will begin earning credits for graduation.

Noah started Canyon Rim Academy, so this is a whole new start for him.

I can not believe how fast time goes with kids.

One minute they are puking on you, the next minute they are saying,

"Mom, please put the camera away!"

Argh...the pirate turns three!

2007-08-13T12:23:00.001-06:00

It is my last Third Birthday Party, and let me tell you, it was awesome!!

Here are some pictures from the 'Buccaneer Bash'

One candle left to blow out, and he was determined to get it this time!!

Treasure Chest Cake

Pirate Cupcakes

Zane proudly displaying how old he is

Me, Gabe and Adison

Lindsy and Shawndae

Goonie and Nikki

We had roughly 50 people show up to wish the little monkey a Happy Birthday. It was a great time. I love when my kids have a great celebration for their Birthday's. It makes them getting older a little easier to handle.

WHY?!?!?!?

2007-08-08T22:03:00.000-06:00

One of the biggest complaints I have about this fucking place is that there is NO separation of church and state. It is fucking disgusting how the Mormon church can buy their way into the media spotlight by commenting on national disasters.

This morning on the news I am watching to see if there is any progress on the trapped miners and they introduce there next big story as, "The Mormon Church and there statement on the recent tragedy" HUH????? Ummm, I do believe that all people hope that the trapped miners are alive and will be rescued. That includes religious groups such as Mormons, Catholics, Lutherans, Buddhist, etc.etc., and even...gasp...atheiests. Why the fuck is it a statewide news story that the Mormon church wants to express their sympathy to the families??

There is no diversity here, and I do not believe that the Mormons will ever open their eyes to life outside their 'little happy place' of Utah until a separation between what they believe stops dictating the way this state is ran.

Picture Share

2007-07-31T10:22:00.001-06:00

I realized I didn't have a picture of Noah posted, so here he is.

He was the little tree in a school play.

Doesn't he look so much like his Dad? AMAZING!!

Gabe amusing me with a pose

Gabe pouring me my favorite beverage of choice....Merlot

Me being a drunken pirate whore!!

Rubber Ducky...your the one

2007-07-31T10:01:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to post the cute pictures of Monkey and Goonie in the bathtub.

More Pink and a P.S.A. to the Kiddies

2007-07-31T09:49:00.000-06:00

I had my hair done this last Friday, and I decided on more Pink!

I think it may be the last time I have a Pink hairdo, I haven't decided.

I would really like a deep brown, you know,

like my ORIGINAL hair color-----Imagine That!!

Now, this picture is nothing more than a lesson to all of those people who, like me,

love the smell of a new Sharpie marker.

I was too busy sniffing the fumes as I waved it in front of my nose to realize that

I had in fact marked my face.

Dumb....Dumb....Dumb....Dumb....Dumb

I really look like shit! I need to visit a tanning bed, ASAP

I'm a Simpson

2007-07-20T21:34:00.000-06:00

This is the picture I downloaded to see what my Simpson character would look like

This is the result. What do you think? I want to know where the glasses came from, as I was not wearing my sexy librarian glasses in the picture!!

New Glasses

2007-07-11T16:33:00.000-06:00

Sexy Librarian or Buddy Holly

YOU DECIDE!!!

4 1/2 Stars

2007-07-10T20:35:00.000-06:00

Today at my physical therapy appointment I was fully prepared for a lecture of how important it is to follow the strict guidelines of the exercises laid out by my therapist. Well, no such lecture occurred, as I happen to be progressing so well, he had no idea I actually had not followed through with any of the exercises I was suppose to do since our last visit 5 weeks ago. The best part was he didn't even ask how well I have been following the program, so I didn't have to lie through my teeth about what a great listener I have been.

I know, I know, as Gabe has said, "Just think about how well you would be doing if you actually had taken it seriously and done the therapy." Always stealing my thunder with his logic. But, that doesn't matter, because this visit today has given my a new outlook on my recovery, one that I really needed. I am excited to get out there and exercise, no matter how much it may hurt, because I know that regardless of my thoughts on this whole process, I have not given myself enough credit for how hard it actually is to overcome major knee surgery.

I have asked my therapist Dave in the past to give me a rating system, because I wanted to be able to tell Gabe on a scale of 1-5, where my progress falls. Well, I am more than pleased to inform you that I received a 4.5 today, my highest score yet!! I didn't receive a perfect 5 only because I have quite a bit of swelling still.

He said that I only have to see him one more time in 6 weeks, then I am cleared and considered well on my way to being normal again, whatever that is!

The Cure is Coming, THE CURE IS COMING!!!

2007-06-26T10:29:00.000-06:00

This past weekend The Cure announced their North American tour, and they will be in Salt Lake City on October 4th.

Now, the problem is decided where else we are going to see them. We are considering Denver. Santa Barbara, San Diego and L.A. I hope we go to San Diego, I freaking love it there!!

Regardless, great news, THEY ARE COMING!!!

Vagina

2007-06-20T19:04:00.000-06:00

I hate this word......Vagina.

A picture of a snotty school teacher with a navy blue suit and a tight bun in her hair pointing at a picture of at the female reproductive organ with her pointer stick immediately comes to life in my head every time I hear it. Vagina, it is just ridiculous.

It is a pussy people, a PUSSY!! You can call it a pet name like Cha Chi, Betty, Cootch, Fluffy.....what the fuck ever, but please stop calling it a vagina. It really makes it sound like a dark unwanted place.

(I know it is the proper way to teach a child what their private spot is, but I am an adult now, and I reserve the right to drop all text book lingo and call it something fun!)

Mine is Stormy, for obvious reasons!

We were hoping by changing her hair color it would make her smarter. Only time will tell.

2007-06-11T00:25:00.000-06:00

Thank God the girl likes to take pictures of herself!!

I love her hair, but I am having a hard time visualizing her without

her blonde locks she has had since her 1st Birthday.

She is adorable, no one can argue that!!

Addie and Nikki with their aviator shades.

Nikki colored her hair too, but you can't really see it in these pictures.

Primary Childrens-Take 2

2007-06-04T22:43:00.000-06:00

Did you guys watch the telethon yesterday?
We were on the air from 12:00 p.m. until 2:30 p.m.

I was able to make it through the segment where I talked about Noah without crying. Anyone who has heard me talk about Noah knows that I can not make it too far into the story without losing it. I didn't though. Maybe it was the 'deer in the headlights' reactions when they shove a camera and microphone in your face. For those who did not see it, I have it on our dvr, so you can come over and make fun of me! It was an amazing experience though, and I could not have been more proud than to share the story of my 'super hero'.

The hospital raised over 2 million dollars, so it was a great turnout all around. I can't wait to do it next year. For any of you who donated, thank you so much. Until I had Noah, I never knew the impact Primary Children's could have on your life, but I am so grateful for the wonderful care he has received.

Primary Childrens

2007-05-30T12:19:00.000-06:00

Primary Childrens is doing their annual telethon to raise money for the hospital this weekend. Plese watch, and more importantly....PLEASE DONATE!!! I will be there answering phones, and I am told I will be on T.V. between 12-2 on Sunday and I will be sharing my story about Noah.

I don't think I need to explain to anyone what this hospital means to me. Without it, I would not have Noah, and that is unimaginable to me. It is hard to believe that any child has to face a life threatening health challenge, but I have been through it, and Noah has lived through it! He is beyond a miracle. From the moment he was born he was at this hospital, and for years later he has had numerous high risk surgeries and has continued to amaze everyone, including the medical professionals who have cared for him.

The motto of Primary Childrens says it all, "The Child First and Always"

The kid is adorable AND wearing skulls!

2007-05-28T20:36:00.000-06:00

Charli Jane is getting so big!

That cute little skull shirt was from none other than.....myself....of course!

Blue and Pink

2007-05-24T09:23:00.000-06:00

Okay, I must admit, I am not a fan of the blue. It was a much brighter blue in the bottle, but it kind of goes on dull and dark.

I look really pissed though....again! What, I can't smile at all, I always have to look like I could snap your dick off just with my stare?

Scary!

If I Were......

2007-05-23T20:37:00.000-06:00

If I were.....

Skinnier, I could be more confident

If I were.....

Prettier, I would feel like I deserve the love of my husband

If I were.....

A better Mother, I would not get frustrated when things aren't perfect

If I were.....

Done with college, I would have a more rewarding career

If I were.....

Not so down on myself, I might achieve my goals

Only if, I were.....

Skinny Puppy Tickets

2007-05-22T12:53:00.000-06:00

Who just won Skinny Puppy tickets? That's right, I DID!!

Fuck ya!

5' 8"

2007-05-20T21:58:00.000-06:00

We just measured Goonie, she has officially measured in at 5'8".

Are you kidding me? How did she go from being my sweet little three year old that couldn't pronounce the letter 'f', to the big emotional wreck she is?

Going back to the mispronunciation- it was SO cute! She used to say

Sork when trying say Fork
Shower when trying to say Flower
etc..., etc... it was adorable!

Jerry Falwell T-shirt

2007-05-17T13:27:00.000-06:00

OH DANG!!!!

Vinegar and Water

2007-05-14T15:23:00.001-06:00

I just got my passport picture taken....I look like a total douche bag!

Mothers Day, good or bad, I survived!

2007-05-13T22:04:00.000-06:00

Every year I have a Mothers Day brunch for My Mom, Gabe's Mom, Gabe's Grandma and the Aunts. It is something I love to do, even though it is Mothers Day, and technically I shouldn't be doing anything but sitting on my ass! Well, since every other weekend is devoted to sitting on my ass, this weekend......I cooked. I must admit, I had a very hard time this year. I could not get Noah and Adison to do anything but fight. They were absolutely ridiculous. They didn't have anything valid to fight over, they were just taunting each other. Every little thing I asked them to do was a struggle, and everything I asked them not to do was a fight. It was not even close to how I wanted to be spending my day. I had a lot of stuff clean and cook, and with Gabe at work, I had no help other than the kids, which as I said before, didn't help at all!! Right before everyone got here I had a meltdown. I sent both of them to their rooms and cried like crazy.

I also failed to mention the issue we had with Zane eating raw meat. Saturday we were grocery shopping at Sam's Club and I was grabbing something off a shelf and I looked up to see Zane had a sausage casing hanging out of his mouth saying, "Mmmmm, hot dog" He pulled a raw pork sausage through the plastic wrap and ate it. Oh my God, what do you do, we are talking about RAW PORK! Shit! So I hurried home and called poison control. They assured me that he more than likely would be fine, which he was. However, in the middle of all the chaos with the kids and getting brunch together, Zane was shitting constantly from the laxative we gave him to get the meat out of his system. Good lord, I was not kidding when I nicknamed our children the three ring circus.

Happy Mothers Day to me, Happy Mothers Day to me.......

The kids did make me some awesome gifts, and Gabe once again took care of his pirate wife. You know the scene in Pirates of the Caribbean where Captain Jack Sparrow is holding up a jar of dirt singing, 'I 've got a jar of dirt, I've got a jar of dirt' Well, Gabe gave me a big jar of dirt greatly resembling the one from the movie, wrote on it the same saying, and had a gift card shoved inside it. Good God does that man know what I like or what??

For brunch we had-

Quiche
Bacon
Sausage
Cheesy Potatoes
Belgium Waffles w/strawberries and fresh whip cream
Red Velvet Cupcakes (for dessert)

It was quite a day, but I must say, the kids totally redeemed themselves. This morning I was ready to trade them in until tonight when Addie and Noah started playing cute with each other and Zane snuggled up on the couch with me to watch pirates.

You know you want to hit that!

2007-05-11T14:29:00.000-06:00

Ahhh, this girl is so fucked up, it is AWESOME!!

I actually tend to think she looks better in this picture.

Damn you Rock star........DAMN YOU!!!!

2007-05-10T09:57:00.000-06:00

I am so addicted to Rock Star, it is ridiculous. I had an awesome streak recently where I went over 3 weeks without a single Rock Star. Anyone who knows me, knows that it is pretty damn good. Well, I went off the wagon like a fuckin' junky scoring some coke! In the last 24 hours, I have consumed 64oz. of this sweet nectar, and I could hardly sleep last night. I don't care, I would almost rather drink it than eat food. There must be some sort of intervention program out there to help me! C'mon, what kind of friends are you? No confrontation of the obvious obsession? Nothing? I am crying out for help for Gods sake, this is my plea for anyone who can help!

I am seriously kidding about wanting help, you take my fucking Rock Star away, you die, plain and simple!

** Oh, and on a side note---I am eating some popcorn, and I just lost about 4 kernels of it in my cleavage. Getting fat has its perks, its like I have a food storage container, right here on my chest.

Cutest Mom EVER!!

2007-05-09T10:13:00.000-06:00

My Mom is off on a girls trip in New York right now. In fact, I will be picking her up from the airport later tonight. I can not think of a single person in this world that deserves a trip like that more than my Mom.

I keep getting funny random phone calls from the four women, only to tell me that my Mom is drunk and hilarious. She tries to get on the phone and convince me otherwise, but her slow slurred speech tells me a different story. It is awesome. I got a call from her friend Tracie yesterday, and she just wanted to tell me the following, "I am on Beaver Street-and I can not find a thing to eat!!" I then asked her if they had any pink taco stands anywhere, then she proceeded to try and convince me that I didn't get her joke. Oh, I am pretty sure I got your joke, I just don't think you got mine.

I can't wait to see her and hear about all the shit she did. I hope she bought me something with a pirate on it, that would totally make my day!

Not doing so good

2007-05-04T09:42:00.000-06:00

You know how it feels to be doing really awesome at recovering from major knee surgery, even with the 'fuck up' on the stairs, only to go to physical therapy to learn that you infact do not RULE, but SUCK!!!!! I have lost some motion in my knee now, due to lack of exercises and swelling. If it doesn't start doing better, they are going to hook it up to some machine and zap it to try and get it back. I hope it doesn't come to that, but it isn't looking good. I had to do some new exercises that deal with stair work, squats, and standing on one leg balancing. After the third stair exercise, I was in tears. I have to do 40 at a time. The squats are near impossible, the pain is just incredible.

I was so excited that I was feeling better, I have not been limping, and I have cut my pain meds to just 1 a day instead of 2 every 4 hours. Well, I am back to limping, and the pain and swelling is really bad again.

I am frustrated that it isn't ever going to end. I am beginning to wonder, 'What is the point?' Maybe I am just being a baby, and maybe I have just hit a wall so hard that I actually feel like giving up. Giving up worries me. If anything in life is certain, I have always managed to disappoint myself.

G.G.

2007-05-01T22:54:00.000-06:00

(What a lame picture!!)

OMG, Gilmore Girls was soooo good tonight. I am fucking crying like a god damn baby!! It is my show, it is my crack, it is one of the only shows, along with The Sopranos and Entourage, that I make sure I record and watch every week. My favorite is to watch it with Adison, it is our thing, and it will be our thing 4-eva.

I am seriously loving it, I watched it twice already since it aired tonight. I am so afraid the series will end and depress me. Oh well, I have all the seasons on DVD, so it is forever immortalized!

Loralai + Luke

When I think about you I touch myself

2007-04-30T11:42:00.000-06:00

Melissa sent me this picture from Italy while she is on sabbatical. She knew I would like it.

How could you not, that is classic!

Reason # 87

2007-04-30T11:40:00.000-06:00

Reason #87 why I should move to Minnesota....

It was 90 fucking degrees yesterday in Salt Lake City.

That is fucking ridiculous!

"Crazy Bastard Runs yet another Marathon"

2007-04-21T22:47:00.001-06:00

#1 Reason Gabe is Amazing

Today Gabe ran his 6th Marathon. It is the 3rd time he has ran the Salt Lake Marathon, and he got a new personal record. He is fucking awesome, every time I see him run one-I just feel so inspired-that is until we go to lunch after and I forget all about the exercise and healthy eating habits. This is the first marathon ever that I haven't had my trusty sidekick Melissa with me as she is off on sabbatical in Europe for three months. I missed her tons, as it is 'our thing' to watch Gabe run. I took the kids along with my Mom to be the cheerleaders this time. I love having the kids cheer their Dad on. I don't think they have any idea what an accomplishment it is, but they get a kick out of it. I must admit though, it is funner for me to see him run one out of state because I get a free vacation out of it! He is running two more this year, one of them being Vegas in December. Fuck ya! I already have my idea for the sign I am going to make, but I can not post it, as I want it to be a surprise.

#2 Reason Gabe is Amazing.

He knows me more than I have ever given him credit for. He presented me today with the coolest gift ever! It was a pirate basket, all things pirate. It contained some press on tattoos, a patch, some socks, a pair of pirate underwear, a bottle of Sailor Jerry's spiced rum, a mixed cd, and finally, a pirate movie that is just for me him and I. What the fuck? Is that the coolest gift ever?? I have already tapped the rum and am buzzing right now.

What a great day. I paid dearly for all the excitement this morning. I am swollen an ugly, but that's cool-no problem.

Oh, when we got back from the marathon I had just missed my friend June who was coming by for a visit. She dropped off yet another rad gift. They are Sketchers flip flops with skulls and hearts all over them. Seriously, two fucking awesome gifts in one day.....what is a pirate to do?

Bad Idea

2007-04-19T18:34:00.000-06:00

As I attempted to put on a pair of Levi's today, I reflected on the past two weeks and thought to myself, "Maybe it wasn't the best idea to eat all the good comforting foods people brought me while I was stuck on bed rest wearing only stretchy pants"

Oh Dang!

Dear Knee...

2007-04-18T11:10:00.000-06:00

Dear Knee,

I am frustrated at how you will not move like I want you to. You are swollen and ugly, and quite frankly a HUGE pain in my ass. Well, guess what? I am going to do this physical therapy, and deal with this pain and anger and I will make you my Bitch.

So take that!!

H

Be careful what you wish for

2007-04-14T11:08:00.000-06:00

I always wanted to be a pirate, and let me tell you, I am well on my way!

I have-

A snaggletooth
A scar over my eye that would look better with an eye patch over it
A broke ass broke leg, so I limp all over like a peg leg.

Arrrh!

Dumb Ass

2007-04-13T18:45:00.000-06:00

That is the word we are using to describe ME!

There is a reason doctors tell you to take it easy and lay down to recover. I decided to go to work yesterday, but only made it four hours before I had Gabe come and get me. Then later that night I tried to go down the stairs like a normal person instead of one stair at a time. Well, big mistake. I had a horrible pain that felt like a burning tear. It dropped me to the ground-it hurt so bad. I iced it all night and elevated it while I slept and woke up not able to move it. My swelling was much worse than the night before, so I was freaked. I had to go back to the doctors and they examined it and did a few x-rays. The operation portion is totally fine, they said it would take a lot more than that to tear the patella from the screws. But I did tear something on the right side of my knee which is bleeding inside causing all the swelling. So basically I am back down with ice and keeping my leg elevated.

This sucks, I wish I weren't such a dumb ass!!

Follow Up

2007-04-11T11:21:00.000-06:00

Today I had my first physical therapist appointment after surgery and things went great. He said that I couldn't be doing better right now and that I am actually doing better than what they had expected at this point. I am officially off bed rest and I do not have to be in the CVM machine anymore. Whoo Hoo!!

I have been pretty hard on myself, but I do have to realize it hasn't quite been a week since I had surgery, and I think I am doing great. They are going to do an x-ray and remove my stitches next Wednesday, so until then I will just continue with the therapy exercises and try to push myself into getting better. I have a really good feeling about all of this, like I am going to be a better person once it is done.

Thanks for all your support, I couldn't do it without any of you.

Knee Surgery

2007-04-09T10:09:00.000-06:00

Well, it is over, the knee surgery went very well. I came home from the hospital on Friday, and I have been sittin' my fat ass in bed ever since.

Re-cap of all the events-

Going to sleep- Being put under anesthesia is a very weird feeling. One minute you are awake, the next minute you are in recovery feeling like shit.

Morphine sucks. After the second dose they gave me, I asked them to never give it to me again. It makes you feel uncontrollably tired and nauseous beyond belief. I feel asleep trying to eat a craker while talking to someone.

Slumber Party in the Hospital- Addie and Nikki spent the night with me in the hospital. They were so sweet and helpful, I just love them. The nurses were real cool too, they didn't say anything about them being there, even though everyone on the floor, but me, had to share a room. The girls got to sleep in the hospital bed next to me.

The first meal you can actually eat at the hospital taste fabulous. That's right, an egg salad sandwich at 10:00 at night may have been my best meal ever!

You never sleep in the hospital. I woke up at 2:00 in the morning to pee, and needed a pain pill but didn't want to bother them, so I just laid there hoping I would fall asleep, but didn't! Nikki woke up at 4:00 and stayed up with me. We decorated my TED hose, the cute little white tights they make you wear for a week. We drew all kinds of cute stuff on them like skulls, pirate stuff, flowers, a cute little cow, etc..., etc... I will attach a picture later.

Physical Therapy is so much harder than you think it will be. Sure, when they are teaching you the exercises to do they seem super simple, but fuck me! They are actually very hard! I did far more than they thought I would be able to do the day after surgery, but I was so into proving I could do it all, that I totally forgot about the fact that I would eventually feel it. OMG, did I ever feel it!

Friday was a series of mental breakdowns. I was waiting too long to take my pain meds, as I thought I was too tough too take them as much as they said I should be. I finally realized that taking pain meds was going to be critical in feeling better, as it is impossible to do physical therapy when you hurt so bad to begin with. I told myself I am not weak, and I wasn't going to let it get to me. Pretty much since then I have been doing good.

I have been just laying in bed, watching movies, having visitors and sleeping since Thursday. I am just excited to be able to get out of bed and start moving again. Hopefully I will be a new Heather once it is all done.

Happy Brithday Goonie!!!

2007-04-02T14:58:00.000-06:00

Today is the 14th anniversary of Addies Birthdate. Ahhhh, it seems like just yesterday I was a young girl (17) about to pop out a baby I had no idea would change my life so much. From the moment that gorgeous child looked at me, I was hooked. She has given me so much in life, and I don't even think she knows it. When I had her, I was in a pretty bad place. Everything seemed scary and unsure, but she made me realize that there is nothing in the world I will try harder for than her. Now, three kids later, I still feel the same way.

Thank you Adykinz for just being you. I love you and hope you have a great Birthday. Don't worry about cheerleading tryouts, you are awesome no matter the outcome!!

Birthday Party Weekend Roundup

2007-04-01T21:07:00.000-06:00

Noah and Adison have their Birthdays 3 days apart, so it is always so crazy for us. This weekends events have made me thankful for two very important things.

1- My children who I adore immensely

2- Gabe's vasectomy

On Friday night we had Noah's which consisted of a sleepover with 5 other children, 3 boys and 2 girls. I obviously didn't think of the intermixing of gender to be such a big deal when I passed out the invites......stupid me!! The girls pretty much just wanted to chase the boys all night, and they just ran away from them trying to play other things. Our house echos really bad, mostly I think because of the lack of decor on the walls to absorb some of the sound. We have always noticed it, but when you add a little girl that screams when she talks, all you can think is, "Good Lord, what the HELL was I thinking!!" I was worried about my house be ruined, but I just kind of shrugged it off with the attitude that they are kids and this is what they do. I only had one activity planned, and that was for them to make their own lasagna for dinner. That was a lot of fun. Noah has this friend named Luca that just moved here from another country. I always hear about how smart he is, that he can speak and write Chinese, write cursive, etc..., etc... Well, he is very polite, so imagine my amazement when finding out he swears like a sailor. We heard words out of that boys mouth like, badass, bitch, and something about an asshole. They were never directed at anyone in particular, more like words that just flow out of your mouth in general conversation. The next morning we woke up and went to see 'Meet the Robinson's' then that was pretty much the end of Noah's party. I am leaving out some major details, but must withhold, as I have no idea who if certain individuals read this blog, and I would hate to offend.

Saturday night we had Addie's sleepover, which I had made plans for us to make a slambook and a project I found to 'Make your own Bathsalts' Neither project happened, they just went off on their own and did their thing. That is cool though, I am glad she had fun. During cake time, a lot of her friends were fascinated with the lighter. What??? Silly Mormons. We heard various funny questions coming from their mouths, none that I can remember though. They woke up around 11 o'clock, ate their cereal and went home. I honestly thought that it was going to be much worse with the 14 year olds, but the 8 year olds turned out to be the monsters.

Today we had the family over for dinner and cake. We had Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes, Peas and Salad. It was super yummy. I thought Noah was super cute when he was opening his presents. We would run and jump on people laps to thank them. Addie didn't seem too excited about anything, but the poor girl has soooo much on her mind. She has cheer leading tryouts tomorrow, and it is all she can think about. I have to say though, it was so neat, at least for me, to be able to have the entire family over at 'our house'. It is a first for us, as our last house would not be able to handle it with everyone here.

But, it is all over with now and I survived. I will forget about it next year when I plan a party and will be reminded once I have repeated the same mistakes.

Happy Birthday Noah

2007-03-30T13:21:00.000-06:00

Today Noah turned 8 years old. I can not believe he is already 8. There is something so unique about Noah. Besides the fact he has a special heart, he is the most creative person I have ever met. He is a down right turd sometimes, mainly to Addie, but he is also so tenderhearted and sweet.

I secretly hope he becomes a great tattoo artist, then I can fill my body with his work and walk around telling everyone, "Hey, look what my kid did!" I know, my aspirations for my children are a little troubling at times.

The Future Jack Sparrow

2007-03-27T12:03:00.000-06:00

That's my little Pirate!! Intead of Rum, he prefers Ice Cream and Cake.

That makes him more like his Daddy!!

When I say Daddy, I mean Daddy Gabe, not Johnny Depp.

The DNA tests are still out, I will let you know as soon as we hear back.

New Hair....

2007-03-27T11:44:00.000-06:00

Don't you just love my new hair?? I think it looks like Neapolitan Ice cream, (brown, pink and blonde) I seriously want to lick my own damn skull!! I think next time I am going to add blue streaks as well. I really look pissed though don't I. If you didn't know me better, you might guess I was a raging bitch.......oh....hmmmm.....well...whatever!

Awwwwe...I Wuv Him!

2007-03-19T14:33:00.000-06:00

That's all, I just wanted you to know.

Ahhhh...Memories...

2007-03-15T02:14:00.001-06:00

I was taking a stroll down memory lane, and started thinking about the things that reminded me of being a teenager, and I came up with the following list of tags that would describe it-

Black Leather Jackets

KJQ
Black Nailpoilsh

Mosh Pits
Black Lipstick

Scamming
Disintegration

Slam Books
Pretty Hate Machine

Eternity Perfume
Nevermind

Dr. Marten's
Body Piercings

Sleeping out for Concert Tickets (The Cure-Front Row!!!!)
Dance Clubs

120 Minutes
Clove Cigarettes

Red Henna
Making Movies

Striped Tights

Starburst Wrappers

This list could go on and on, but that is a good start. And for those of you who think that sounds odd, back off, it was some of the best times of my life.

One month ago today....

2007-03-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

It has already been one month since my fainting accident, and I am well on my way to putting it all past me. After a roller coaster ride consisting of numerous tests, waiting and doctors appointments, I have pretty much been given a clean bill of health. I could not ask for a better outcome.

Here are some beautiful pictures of the 'OUCHY!!'

This one was taken the morning after. There is a lot of swelling, in fact,

I could not open my eye at all. The bruising hadn't really started yet though.

This one was taken a long time later, after the swelling had gone down and the bruising was starting to go away.

I still have a few issues from the fall, like I have a hard lump in my cheek that doesn't seem to be going away, I don't have feeling in part of my face, and of course, the scar. But overall, I must admit, I looks really great compared to the first time I saw it at the plastic surgeons office.

So no more calling me 'scare face' or 'scar-y', okay??

Food Find

2007-03-06T21:16:00.000-07:00

Well, you can always count on a fat girl to scope out some good eats, so here it is-

Disney Birthday Bash Ice Cream

It has the following-

Cake Batter Ice Cream
Sprinkles
Frosting

Hello? Did someone say fabulous?

Buy it, try it, thank me later.

Snow Patrol is soooooooo Awesome!!

2007-03-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Last night, Gabe Kim and I went to the Snow Patrol concert. It was a Christmas gift I got from Gabe. I have been looking forward to this night for a looooong time. Well, anyone who has heard Snow Patrols' albums know that they are so unbelievably awesome. Let me tell you, they are ten times better live, which I think all bands should be, but aren't. Nothing is more disappointing than buying tickets to a concert to see a band live, only to discover that they don't live up to all the editing and mixing and sound adjustments made on their CD's. Well, I can not stress how completely unbelievable Snow Patrol was. Their light show, their interaction with the audience, obviously their music and lyrics , their energy that completely fit the mood of every song, every moment of it was just unreal.

Well, with all that said........I can not stand some people at concerts!! Who doesn't want to spend money to go out and have a great time?? But have you ever been to a concert where people around you just put a damper in it?? Snow Patrol have some songs where there is a build up in their song....then it stops....silence....then it starts again. It is a very powerful moment in the songs, but for some reason, the dumb snatch next to us chose those very moments to scream, giggle, yell about the beverage in her hand, whistle and just annoy the shit out of us. The guys she was with were ridiculous as well. She was the kind of girl I associate with bar trash. She has been there since she was young, and will be there well into her 50's. I swear she was about 5 seconds away from pulling up her top and showing her tits to everyone. I know this may be normal practice at some concerts, but seriously, I am convinced she had no idea who Snow Patrol even was. I was about 5 seconds away from giving her a nice punch in the ol' baby maker, a nice kung fu move right to the cooter. We decided it would be in our best interest to leave the bar and go back downstairs, where the young kids are, where we could actually ENJOY the show! It is pretty sad when you leave the adults to play with the kids, but let me tell you, it was way more rad, and they all seemed to get it.

With all that said, it was such an awesome night, and I hope to God they come back soon!!!!

30th Birthday Shout Out....

2007-03-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

Katie, oh how I wish I could be there celebrating your 30th Birthday with you. I swear it was just yesterday we were eating cream cheese stuffed french toast served to us by a very attractive waitress, sitting by a roaring fire and just enjoying each others' coziness. You have forever made your mark on my heart pretty one.

I was browsing on Hot Topics website, which, where else would I go to think of you? Well, I am afraid to inform you that the dead girl (not Mickey) shirt is gone. I have found a few other options though, just say the word and they are yours!

First we have a t-shirt, not at all resembling the 'classic' one which I own and you envy, but it does have a dead girl on it, so the theme still applies here.

Next, we have my favorite, and I am sure it is yours as well. Everyone who knows you, knows that you love purses. Well, my God, if I haven't found the perfect bag for you!! You have two adorable puppies, and what better way to remind yourself of them than this bag?

Like I said, just say the word and they are on the way to you. I seriously hope you have a great time, whatever you do, and just remember, I am there with you in spirit. Can't you feel me next to you by the angry lake? I am there.......with you......

He's a fine piece of ass though too...

2007-02-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

YUMMY.......

THIS ONE WILL KEEP ME HOT FOR DAYS

DAMN DOG......PULL HARDER YOU SISSY!!!

I never listened to Marky Mark back in the day, so he is not ruined for me. My God, is he fine or what?? I have seen Boogie Nights, and for those of you who haven't, GO SEE IT!! I know it is just a prosthetic, but c'mon, it's fun to visualize. And I know that in the movie Fear he plays a bad, bad guy, but that scene with him and Reese Witherspoon on the roller coaster is ......HOT!! Excuse me, I need to go take a bath in my jetted tub....