He's a fine piece of ass though too...

YUMMY.......

THIS ONE WILL KEEP ME HOT FOR DAYS

DAMN DOG......PULL HARDER YOU SISSY!!!

I never listened to Marky Mark back in the day, so he is not ruined for me. My God, is he fine or what?? I have seen Boogie Nights, and for those of you who haven't, GO SEE IT!! I know it is just a prosthetic, but c'mon, it's fun to visualize. And I know that in the movie Fear he plays a bad, bad guy, but that scene with him and Reese Witherspoon on the roller coaster is ......HOT!! Excuse me, I need to go take a bath in my jetted tub....

The thing about doctors is this....

I am sick of them!! Don't take that as any kind of indication that I don't want to fix my broken ass self, but I have had it with them. I have gone through so many various tests, and I still feel like we are just waiting to see what the next doctor says. I go to a doctor, pay my co-pay for her to order an echo cardiogram, then I go and have the echo cardiogram at a different hospital, then I have to go back to her again, pay her another co-pay so she can read me the results? Isn't that ridiculous? What if I didn't go back, I just wouldn't find out the results? I know, I know, it is just a co-pay, but it is the principle of it. I am paying to find out the results of a test. That my friends is FUCKED UP!! I can't even begin to count how many co-pays I have paid in the last 3 weeks, and that doesn't include any medical bills for the CT Scans, E.R., Echo, Event Monitor, etc., etc. Now I have to go and see a cardiologist, which I am sure would like to run more tests.

I am not trying to complain, I have insurance, I am lucky, I know this. I am just getting sick of seeing one doctor and being sent somewhere else for a test, then back to that doctor who sends me to another doctor----the cycle just doesn't end. No matter what happens, I want to figure out what is going on. My family means everything to me, and I will carry on no matter what, I am just getting burned out.

Gabe made one good point though, I will hit my out of pocket max. for the year pretty quick. At this rate, by the time I have knee surgery in April, it should be free. Always the light at the end of the tunnel, isn't he??

Life is Good

Disfigured

I am sure everyone has heard about my accident on the 9th. I can't even begin to tell you how many emotions I am having about the whole ordeal. I fear that they won't find a reason for it. Okay, fine, I know people faint, but looking back I have quite a history of it. This is the first time I have been hurt though. Not only hurt, but disfigured.

I am not trying to be vain, but when the plastic surgeon took my stitches out on Friday, I just about lost it. It was not at all what I was expecting. He didn't want to let me look at it, as he said it would not make me feel better, only worse. Well, that's a great sign. Well, after inspecting it in the hand mirror, I wanted to throw it against the wall. He couldn't believe it hadn't healed better, so he taped it tight and told me to leave it that way for another week. It is horrible, and I honestly don't know when I will ever be able to look at myself in the mirror without crying again.

I am sick of carrying around this heart monitor, I am sick of waiting for doctors to call me back, and I am sick of everyone telling me it wont be that bad. It's not your face, it's mine. And now I have to learn to accept it for what it is.

Charli Jane

Meet Charli Jane. Isn't she just beautiful?? You guys always hear me talk about my family in Minnesota, and she is the beautiful offspring of two of the best people I know! (Katie and Sean) She is almost 5 months in this picture.

Do you know what is even cooler about little Charli?? She was born on 'National Talk Like A Pirate Day' Well, that puts her in my top ten right off the bat! I think she needs a little pirate hat in this picture, what do you think?? Arrrrrh...

Things I want to be

I am always thinking of things I want to change about myself, and I must say, the list is MIGHTY long! Well, for starters, I want more tattoos. I want them on my back, on my arms, and I even want one on my wrist. But for some reason, I always feel like I have to reach a weight loss goal before I allow myself such luxuries. And yes, I do consider tats a luxury, do you know how fucking expensive they are?? Dang!! My current wish list includes the skull design from an earlier post, a sexy pirate chick, finishing a lower back piece with my ankh, little cherries at the side of my cha-chi, and an upper back piece including a heart with sparrows with a banner around it and stars. I will be the prettiest ever! I am getting my Monroe pierced. Gabe actually agreed, hesitantly, but he did agree.

I guess all I really want to be is a Suicide Girl. I want to lay around naked having my pictures taken with my kick ass tattoos' and piercings. That's it, I want to be a Suicide Girl!!

I DID IT!!

For over six months I have been trying to reach one goal. I want to click my heels in the air. You know, like the old 'Oh what a feeling...TOYOTA' commercials?? Well, after months of pure humiliation at trying to attempt my goal, I have finally landed the heel click. Not once, not twice, but three times in a row!! Holy shit, it was awesome. I don't know if I will ever be able to do it again, but dang, I looked good!

Don't cha wish you had goals like me? Don't cha??