Fitting In

I have always been protective of Noah because of his heart condition , let's say OVER PROTECTIVE. My biggest fear is something ever happening to him, my next biggest fear is him feeling left out because he can not physically do everything he wants.

I saw him feel left out tonight. I saw a look on his face that broke my heart. The only thing Noah has really ever asked for was to do karate, which his cardiologist said he could not do. After speaking to an instructor at a karate school, he assured me Noah could make a full black belt without ever having contact with anyone, therefore he would be safe. Everything was going great in his class, he has had fun, learned new things and has gained confidence. This was everything karate is suppose to be. Tonight his class began sparring, which is the first time he has ever had it. I wasn't expecting it and neither was Noah. He does not have the gear for it, which I have worried about him feeling left out because of it, but he really does not need it since he will not be fighting. I watched his poor little face turn so sad when the teacher asked them to put their sparring gear on and he had none. He stood on a white star in the middle of the room while everyone else was dismissed. It broke my heart and I began to cry. One of the student teachers asked him why he wasn't sparring and he said, "I can't because of my heart surgery." Again, I cried. Watching him say that made me realize that he will always have these situations in his life, he 'can't'....not wont, not shouldn't....but CAN'T!! I cried more. He looked at the instructor in front of him ready in a sparring stance, him without any protective gear on not sure what was happening, raised his hand in the air and asked if he could use the bathroom. I cried. I asked Gabe to run back there with him to see if he was okay. After awhile of him being away, I ran back there to realize that he was getting sick in the bathroom. I cried. He opens the door with a little tear soaked face and I asked him if we could go outside and talk.

He let me know he was scared someone was going to hurt him, and he hated feeling left out. His instructor met us outside and explained to him that no one was going to hurt him. He felt better after this and seemed very confident going back to class. Once we were home, we talked to him and decided to spend the money on the gear he can wear even though he doesn't need the protection, because the $250.00 it costs is more than worth never seeing that look on his face again.