Addie in Pink

She looks like a little pink cupcake, I want to lick her skull.

Blasted Big Feet!!

Look at the fucking awesome boots I could be sporting if it weren't for these big ass feet of mine!! Listen to me girls, if anyone of you so much as buy a fucking pair of these and wear them in my sight-just to make me jealous, I will kill you. You will go down sister.....I mean for reals.....just try me!

Thanks for the link June, love ya!!

Birthday Shout Outs

I'm sorry, I forgot to give some loved ones a Birthday Shout Out-

Melissa, I have neglected you once again, and now it was on an all important day, your special day Melissa, your birthday. I am a pretty shitty friend, I apologize. I hope you had a great time, got drunk, got laid, whatever it is you were hoping for, I hope you got it.

Gabey Baby, love of my life. I hope you had a great birthday, even though your loving wife has yet to purchase you a gift. I mean, you went ahead and bought me a house, the least I can do is fork over a couple bucks and buy you a fucking birthday present, right?? I am glad you are finally as old as me. Maybe now you will ease off on the old lady jokes, at least for a while!

Love ya both!

Tequila Night

Gabe and I had our first official 'Tequila Night' in the new crib. All I can say is, "Dang sista', I am getting old!!"

Our tradition of buying a $50.00 bottle of tequila and slammin' shots until we are drunken fools is not as easy as it was even a year ago. We wound up this morning laying in bed naked, not having any idea of what happened the previous night. We both felt sick, and it wasn't until Gabe threw up that he started to feel better.

I guess I should stick to good ol' Merlot. I may still wake up naked, but I have a better recollection of what got me that way!

I WANT THEM!!!!

Meet my new obsession.... I want to lick them, I want to have sex in them, I want to make love TO them, I WANT THEM, I WANT THEM, I WANT THEM!!! I swear to you, I will never get over my Dr. Martens' fetish. It may be so 90's to you, but long live the 90's I say.

I actually wanted to get married in a pair of Dr. Martens' They were silver glitter 8 holes and the were perfect!! My Mom said she would disown me if I did, so do you know what I ended up wearing?? Ballet slippers! Do I look like a girl who should be wearing fucking ballet slippers??? I think not!!

Favorite Pictures

Here are two of my favorite recent pictures-



First, we will label this one, 'Merlot' Everyone who knows me, knows I love Merlot!!





This one we will label 'Boobs' God, I seriously love my new bra. I look like some amateur porn star stuck in traffic taking pictures of her boobs.....oh......wait a minute....hmmmm....never mind!!

And to all those ladies out there saying, "Heather, what is the big deal, my boobs are big without the help of an amazing new bra" I say, BITE ME!! I am just starting to learn the power of boobs, as mine have always been hidden under dark heavy clothing.

Yah Boobs!!

Urban Meyer Rocks!!

Man do I miss Urban Meyer! Watching the Utes while he was our head coach was amazing. Gabe actually got to go to the Utes/BYU game while he was coach. What a game, I was totally jealous. In two years, he led us to an undefeated season and a victory at the Fiesta Bowl. It was right before the Fiesta Bowl that Florida announced that they had made him an offer, and he accepted. How could you deny that right? Hmmmm, you can stay in UTAH and coach, or go to a major University and coach in Florida, what a tough decision, it must have been so hard for him....

Do you know what would be rad? If he decided to go pro and coach for the Vikings!! Good god, the Vikes would make it to the Superbowl fo' sho'!! Superbowl, fuck the superbowl, I would be excited if they made it to the playoffs!!

But none the less, Urban Meyer ROCKS!! And how cool is his name? Who gives birth and looks at this tiny little human and says, "I am going to name him Urban" I like it, it is unique beyond belief.

Let the healing begin!

I've got your current home owner right here!

That's right, as of 10:00 a.m., Gabe and I closed on our house. I never thought this day was going to come. We had problems, right up until yesterday when they were trying to get out of paying $4,000.00 toward closing that they agreed to. I am writing a novel of all the things that went wrong with this process, but for some reason, today it doesn't seem to matter. We can start getting our lives back in order, and move forward.

I want to thank everyone for their constant support. Without you guys allowing me to bitch and vent my frustrations, I do not know where I would be. It is so great to know that I am fortunate enough to have such awesome people in my life, you truly rock, each and everyone of you!

As my cousin Katie said, "No house building in 2007...NONE!!"

New Years Resolutions

Here we go again, another year to reflect upon, and resolutions to make for the new year.

First off, I would like to talk about the things I did wrong in 2006.

1- Deciding to build a house. Everyone who knows me is sick of hearing about our house problems, as am I. I am chalking it up to the worst decision I have made. Not just for 2006, but for the entire 31 years I have wondered this Earth. I guess the only consolation is it is just about over, and I can start focusing on my family and getting us back to a normal routine. I know that one day we will look back on this situation and just shake our heads in disbelief. I love our new house, I love that it fits us and that we are going to have awesome memories there.

2- Diet and Exercise. You know, the two most important things to ensure a healthier lifestyle? Well, this year I sucked. I didn't just suck a little, we are talking about full on lock jaw sucking here! It seems so simple, doesn't it? Diet and exercise, eat better, move your body a little. Then why can't I JUST DO IT!!!

3- Lost various items. This one will continue to be on the list year after year. Gabe, I know it is the only flaw you find in me, but dang, what a doozie eh? We won't dwell on this too long, as even I could not possibly remember all the times I lost or left a wallet, cell phone, purse or keys somewhere. Let's hope this year proves to be better.

4- Discovery of certain food items.

Cake Batter Ice Cream from Coldstone
Beto's Breakfast Burritos
Sweet Potato Fries
Diet Pepsi Jazz/Strawberries and Cream and Black Cherry Vanilla

I am sure there are others, but those were the most memorable

My 2007 New Years Resolutions

1- Drink more alcohol. I need to bring up my tolerance level while exploring new beverages that give me a happy feeling.

2- Talk less about my sex life. It only brings others down, and sometimes I feel like I am bragging.

3- Travel more. This one may be hard to make, as our travel budget is pretty much nothing thanks to the new house, but none the less, something I would like to do.

4- Diet and Exercise. Let the cliches live on.

Well, there you have it! 2007 should be a rad ass time.

So what!!

I hate it when people from Utah are on a Reality TV show! The local TV stations just eat it up and somehow their progress on any show takes priority over real issues like war, local tragedies or bastard politicians trying to fuck up our country.

I believe it all started with the Mormon chick from Real World New Orleans. I do not even remember her name, but I remember what horror it was that she shared a room with other male roommates. Oh, the immorality that must have gone on! She really disgraced her church and was kicked out of BYU. Hey honey, they did you a favor. They can not handle it when you young kids experience any kind of culture outside their own little quilting circle.

The next one I remember was Carmen Rasmussen. She was on American Idol when Clay Aiken was. I remember watching it just hoping she would be kicked off. Now they always have her at special events like Independence Day or Christmas gatherings. 'We have Utah's Idol here, Miss Carmen Rasmussen'....applause....cheer....worship her....Her wholesomeness makes me want to vomit!

Hmmm, we had Sean the CEO of Love Sac that won some millionaire show. We actually do their payroll, so we have a social tie there, but nonetheless, top news headline, 'Mormon Boy from Utah wins Millions!'

And most recently, we had Heather from the Biggest Loser. She was a real bitch. She is also one of our clients, but seriously, WHAT A BITCH!! Now I can say this, being a big girl and all, but every time they showed her get on the scale, I would laugh at her belly button and make a comment about how it made me want to go golfing. Actually, I stole that from Gabe, but it made me laugh every time!! But my favorite part of the whole thing was at the show finale, she shows up PREGNANT!! How typical, Mormon's like to replenish the species, ya' know? You did your church leaders proud Heather by showing the world just how fertile you are, God is really giving you extra points for that one! I personally think it was a cop-out. She knew she wasn't going to win, she really didn't show too much interest in the whole thing at the end.

I guess the new 'shock value' of reality TV is not to be promiscuous or gay, but to be a Mormon. Well, we have plenty of them here for you, so take them....PLEASE!!

If I lay here....

If I just lay here,
Will you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Does anything in the world sound better than that??

Will I ever be the same?

I am having more 'house building' issues.

Yesterday was a really bad day! It started off by receiving our loan documents, only to realize that our totals did not match. There totals were about $5,000.00 more than what mine show. I tried to go through and compare our documentation to find any differences. I realized that they had put some change orders in there that I was not even aware of and that were signed by someone else, NOT ME!! Isn't that forgery?? They not only added things to my loan which I had not approved, but they went back on there original flooring allowance from $1.20 sq. ft. to $1.00 sq. ft. That screwed us out of over a thousand dollars just by doing that. They said that they didn't make any money off our flooring, so they were going to charge us more. They aren't suppose to make money on our flooring, we did the fucking flooring ourselves!! They added garage door openers to our house charging us $900.00 for them! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I could buy all of our neighbors garage door openers for that much. I never asked for them, he told me they were included in the base price of the house. Then my building rep., Luke said, "If you want to be difficult, I can go back and charge you for other things if you want!" FUCK YOU!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??

I had horrible chest pains yesterday, and I just lost it. Thank God Jenny was standing by with some clonapin for me. After two of those I was able to calm down and just cry instead of lose my mind.

I really wonder if I will ever be able to be the same person after all this. My kids are so out of there element, I wonder how long it will take to get them back to their normal lives. I do not feel anywhere near close to a real person anymore. It has drained me and broken my spirit. Luckily it has not effected my marriage. I have heard of so many people who's marriage falls apart after building a house together. That would just kill me!

I am sure everything will end up being okay. I just need to put it out of my mind, somehow.

Gingerbread Houses

Today we made gingerbread Houses. We had a blast! Here are the results of our hard work. note: Adison ate most of hers while she was making it.





Here is the one Zane and I made. As you can tell, the kid is a prodigy!





Next is Noah's. He made some awesome Gingerbread dudes. One is blind with a cane, and another has a guitar. ROCK ON!!





Hmmm, where do I begin? Addie and Gabe made quite the masterpiece. I think it greatly resembles the artist Pollock, what do you think?





Here is my Mom's and Aunt Corrie's. They had a few problems, to say the least. To be honost, I'm not really suprised. It was kinda like watching Dumb and Dumber.


I have a tummy ache from eating all the dang gingerbread. As Addie would say, "Oh Mylanta!!"

Not yet, maybe later.....

Sorry to have informed everyone of my upcoming surgery. I have canceled it and maybe reschedule at a later time. The stress of the house, along with Christmas, and various other reasons were making it too hard for me.

Thank you for all your well wishes, it really means a lot to me. Keep them tucked nicely in your pocket until I inform you of a new date within the next few months.

You guys rock, I love you all!!

Question

So......I have just come home from my work party, and I am a little tipsy to say the least. Any-who I was thinking just now, while going pee,...... if Britney Spears can have knee surgery, and be able to party like a Rock Star, and show off her terrible cooch to the world, I will be just fine right? My disabilty is just fine. it is temporary, and I will be okay, right, RIGHT?????

Pardon me while I have some more Merlot. I am drunk, I just attended a work party, and I would like some more Merlot.

You have no idea how many times I have had to re-tyoe this. I better send myself to bed.

DEANG!!

Update

Surgery will now be on Thursday, December 7th.

I will be on complete bedrest for 7 days with my leg in a CVV machine. Then after that it will be months of extensive therapy.

I wish I had my new house done so I could at least be laying in there with nothing to do. Instead, I will not be able to even go and see the house for awhile. I don't know, maybe that is a good thing!

NOT what I was hoping for....

I will just come out and say it. I am having surgery on my knee. It will be done the day after Christmas. Merry Fucking Christmas. Do you know this means? I can not drink on Christmas Day Who the fuck stays sober on Christmas, I mean seriously!!

All kidding aside, I am scared. Not of the pain, not of the recovery, I really don't know why, I just am. Noah had been through major surgeries, so I won't even compare, because you can't. I guess there is always the thought that something will go wrong, I don't know. I am sure everything will be okay, but now I am going to stress about medical bills. I really don't feel like I need anymore stress, but hey, I guess I have no choice!

I was honestly thinking that I would go to the doctor and he would give me some exercises to do, or give me a prescription for some cream to put on it or something. Thank God my Uncle Mike went with me. Yes, co-dependent Heather had an escort to the doctors today....bite me! I am just glad he was there, I felt calmer just having him with me. Gabe said he feels like a horses ass now because he didn't go. Neither one of us anticipated this outcome though, so I know he would have been there if he thought they were going to tell me I was having surgery. I guess my knee cap isn't in the right place, so they have to move something and put some screws in my bones, I don't know, I just kind of cringed when he was explaining all of it. The good news is that my knee cap will no longer pop out of place, causing me intense pain when putting it back. That alone will make it all worth it.

I am sad about my long, slender legs having scars on them though. I mean really, when I am walking down the runway in a fashion show, I hope people will not pay attention to my gross disformaty. Hopefully they will concentrate on my unusually large hobbit feet instead. I kid of course, I am not runway material.

Gabe did tell me he would have a Beto's burrito waiting for me post-op, as well as Raj's Chicken after I am in my hospital room. Now that ladies in gentlemen is what I like to call....LOVE!!

Pamela Anderson files for Divorce?!?!

What hope does any wedded couple who looks up to superstar celebrities have if even Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock can only make it 4 months??

Well, I will just have to keep my fingers crossed for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I hope he never comes out of the closet, that may put a stop to their wedded bliss.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...

These commercials bug the shit out of me!! I will admit, when they first appeared, I thought it was a very clever ad campaign, focusing on the people who wanted to be naughty when they go out of town, and feel it is okay because it is what everyone does, right??

Like there really are couples that go to Las Vegas and do something soooo shameful, that they can not even tell people what they did. I bet they got a couple of prostitutes and had a foursome, didn't they?? Or maybe they got matching tattoos in discreet areas that only one another know about. Give me a break. Oh, and the one with the girl who doesn't know what to say, so she tells her husband about all the money she spent. Instead she should be confessing to some random lesbian experience, or that she got so drunk and ended up sleeping with the bouncer from the bar. DUH!! Hey, and the husband that goes away with a bunch of friends. What were you expecting them to do?? Go to some Star Trek Convention at the MGM, then eat themselves silly at a buffet?? No you dumb bitch, he went to countless stripclubs, gambled away tons of hard earned cash and remained in a drunken stupor the whole time. And rightfully so if you ask me. I just don't see what the big deal is.

Las Vegas is fun and exciting, but I really don't see anyone having to keep such big secrets on what goes on there.

When I go to Vegas with either Gabe or friends, I will do whatever the hell I feel like. And I will undoubtedly tell everyone what happened. Not for the shock value, but because I keep secrets from no one!!

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is quickly becoming my second favorite holiday, first is Halloween. I love when our family gets together to have a nice dinner without the stress of giving gifts or money. I really do love Christmas, it is such a magical happy time. It just seems like it takes months to recover from it financially.

I am thankful for so many things in my life. I am such a lucky person, and have so much love surrounding me, I thought I might share some of it. I know, mushy, mushy. Oh well!!

I have an amazing husband. I feel so much love and encouragement from him, that I can not possibly imagine life without him. I want to send him a special 'thank you' for unlocking my car after I locked my keys in it yesterday. I know it annoyed you, sorry, but I am who I am! I have three wonderful children. Addie is growing up so quick and she is such a fun, loving person. Noah is such a special kid who is an amazing artist and I know world can expect great things from him. Zane is my little monkey and such a joy to have.

My family is great. I don't have a huge family, but we are all very close. My Dad is so patient, he has had the five of us living with him for almost a year, and is still hanging in there. My Mom is such a loving person, she just loves to give and give. My Uncles, Mike, Marve, Aunts Debbie and Corrie. Granny, Gabe's Mom, Gabe's Dad, my cousins Paul, Obie, Nikki and Steph. They are all such great people, and I just love them. My family in Minnesota- Katie, Sean, Charli, Aunt Helen, Pam, Chuck, Rick, all such awesome people and I miss them so much. Katie is one of my best friends and thoughts of her keep me warm by the angry lake.

My friends who know the 'real' me. I can just hang out with them and they deal with my wackiness and charm! I love them all for so many different reasons.

WOW, talk about a long post! Sorry, I will try to quickly get back to my cynical ways as soon as possible!!

I can't wait to review the Thanksgiving Feast tomorrow. I wonder if there will be any surprise foods that will make me scrunch my nose.