NOT what I was hoping for....

I will just come out and say it. I am having surgery on my knee. It will be done the day after Christmas. Merry Fucking Christmas. Do you know this means? I can not drink on Christmas Day Who the fuck stays sober on Christmas, I mean seriously!!

All kidding aside, I am scared. Not of the pain, not of the recovery, I really don't know why, I just am. Noah had been through major surgeries, so I won't even compare, because you can't. I guess there is always the thought that something will go wrong, I don't know. I am sure everything will be okay, but now I am going to stress about medical bills. I really don't feel like I need anymore stress, but hey, I guess I have no choice!

I was honestly thinking that I would go to the doctor and he would give me some exercises to do, or give me a prescription for some cream to put on it or something. Thank God my Uncle Mike went with me. Yes, co-dependent Heather had an escort to the doctors today....bite me! I am just glad he was there, I felt calmer just having him with me. Gabe said he feels like a horses ass now because he didn't go. Neither one of us anticipated this outcome though, so I know he would have been there if he thought they were going to tell me I was having surgery. I guess my knee cap isn't in the right place, so they have to move something and put some screws in my bones, I don't know, I just kind of cringed when he was explaining all of it. The good news is that my knee cap will no longer pop out of place, causing me intense pain when putting it back. That alone will make it all worth it.

I am sad about my long, slender legs having scars on them though. I mean really, when I am walking down the runway in a fashion show, I hope people will not pay attention to my gross disformaty. Hopefully they will concentrate on my unusually large hobbit feet instead. I kid of course, I am not runway material.

Gabe did tell me he would have a Beto's burrito waiting for me post-op, as well as Raj's Chicken after I am in my hospital room. Now that ladies in gentlemen is what I like to call....LOVE!!

Pamela Anderson files for Divorce?!?!

What hope does any wedded couple who looks up to superstar celebrities have if even Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock can only make it 4 months??

Well, I will just have to keep my fingers crossed for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. I hope he never comes out of the closet, that may put a stop to their wedded bliss.

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...

These commercials bug the shit out of me!! I will admit, when they first appeared, I thought it was a very clever ad campaign, focusing on the people who wanted to be naughty when they go out of town, and feel it is okay because it is what everyone does, right??

Like there really are couples that go to Las Vegas and do something soooo shameful, that they can not even tell people what they did. I bet they got a couple of prostitutes and had a foursome, didn't they?? Or maybe they got matching tattoos in discreet areas that only one another know about. Give me a break. Oh, and the one with the girl who doesn't know what to say, so she tells her husband about all the money she spent. Instead she should be confessing to some random lesbian experience, or that she got so drunk and ended up sleeping with the bouncer from the bar. DUH!! Hey, and the husband that goes away with a bunch of friends. What were you expecting them to do?? Go to some Star Trek Convention at the MGM, then eat themselves silly at a buffet?? No you dumb bitch, he went to countless stripclubs, gambled away tons of hard earned cash and remained in a drunken stupor the whole time. And rightfully so if you ask me. I just don't see what the big deal is.

Las Vegas is fun and exciting, but I really don't see anyone having to keep such big secrets on what goes on there.

When I go to Vegas with either Gabe or friends, I will do whatever the hell I feel like. And I will undoubtedly tell everyone what happened. Not for the shock value, but because I keep secrets from no one!!

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is quickly becoming my second favorite holiday, first is Halloween. I love when our family gets together to have a nice dinner without the stress of giving gifts or money. I really do love Christmas, it is such a magical happy time. It just seems like it takes months to recover from it financially.

I am thankful for so many things in my life. I am such a lucky person, and have so much love surrounding me, I thought I might share some of it. I know, mushy, mushy. Oh well!!

I have an amazing husband. I feel so much love and encouragement from him, that I can not possibly imagine life without him. I want to send him a special 'thank you' for unlocking my car after I locked my keys in it yesterday. I know it annoyed you, sorry, but I am who I am! I have three wonderful children. Addie is growing up so quick and she is such a fun, loving person. Noah is such a special kid who is an amazing artist and I know world can expect great things from him. Zane is my little monkey and such a joy to have.

My family is great. I don't have a huge family, but we are all very close. My Dad is so patient, he has had the five of us living with him for almost a year, and is still hanging in there. My Mom is such a loving person, she just loves to give and give. My Uncles, Mike, Marve, Aunts Debbie and Corrie. Granny, Gabe's Mom, Gabe's Dad, my cousins Paul, Obie, Nikki and Steph. They are all such great people, and I just love them. My family in Minnesota- Katie, Sean, Charli, Aunt Helen, Pam, Chuck, Rick, all such awesome people and I miss them so much. Katie is one of my best friends and thoughts of her keep me warm by the angry lake.

My friends who know the 'real' me. I can just hang out with them and they deal with my wackiness and charm! I love them all for so many different reasons.

WOW, talk about a long post! Sorry, I will try to quickly get back to my cynical ways as soon as possible!!

I can't wait to review the Thanksgiving Feast tomorrow. I wonder if there will be any surprise foods that will make me scrunch my nose.

It's all about Melissa....

Sorry, I owe Melissa an apology for not including her in my blog. She was upset that she has not yet been mentioned, so I told her I would dedicate a whole post to her.

I was not too drunk on Saturday to remember our conversation. Actually, I was very drunk, but I still remembered!

Melissa and I met in Junior High School. We were T.A.'s for a History teacher. She was different, not that I wasn't with all my black clothing). She was someone I would have never talked to unless I was put in a position like being forced to correct test papers with her. But she turned out to be one of my best friends, that is of course, until the break. Yes, I am stealing a line from Friends. We were on a break for about 10 years or so, but then we reconnected, and here we are.

Some highlights of our friendship include- (I'm not going to go on too long here...)

Her having sex with Brett in my Mothers bathroom when we were younger. This made me mad, as I felt like her cheap Hotel.

She use to bring me my favorite Fruit Loop Sandwiches (yes, you read that correctly)for lunch.

I cut her super long hair when we were younger without her Mom's approval. It looked much better though.

When we go out of town to see Gabe run Marathons, she is my side kick. She has been to everyone one of them. She is the keeper of the map and tells me every turn, (right or wrong) to make, we cheer sexy Gabe on as he runs by us, she even dressed up like a pirate with me in Denver. After Gabe is done with the marathon, we enjoy getting big bags of ice and pouring them on his balls while he is taking an ice bath. We don't really spend a lot of time together lately, but when we go out of town, we really get to reconnect and have a blast.

I introduced her to her last husband and her current boyfriend. I sure hope this one works out better than the last one!!

I am sorry Melissa. I am sorry to have neglected to mention you in my blog, and I hope you can forgive me. Please tell me we are no longer in a fight, because life is too short to be upset at me for forgetting something. You shouldn't be so shocked though. I forget many, many things, all the time. I mean, seriously!!

Maybe one day when you are cool enough to have a blog, you will mention me.

Ooops....I did it AGAIN!!

Hmmmm....

I have never claimed to be the smartest person in the world (no laughing), but sometimes I even surprise myself.

I went to the gas station on break today to get a Rock Star, and it was a typical Maverick trip. You know, making fun of the people who work there, even though they buy me Doritos and stuff. Anyway, there was this lady who came in while we were in line and she was telling the cashier that the pump was not working, and handed the cashier her credit card. Well, the cashier informs the lady that it is working, in fact, it was pumping gas into her car at that very moment. Hee, hee, snicker, snicker. The little old lady didn't believe her, and the gas station attendant became a little annoyed with her. "Yes, it is pumping, isn't that your silver car out there?" "Well, gas is going in it right now" "Oh", the little old lady says and runs out there. The cashier looks down and says, "Oh great, she left her credit card here!" She mutters a few swears under her breath, then acted all annoyed. Well, as I was leaving, I saw the cute old lady come back in and I told her that she left her credit card inside. "Huh, oh, I don't think so." YES YOU DID OLD LADY!!

So Jen and I left and laughed at the senile old bag on the way back to work. Ha, ha, ha, what a nut. That lady didn't even realize she left her credit card there.

I get back into the office, I am standing in the lobby, just about to open my Rock Star, when I look at Jen. "Where is my wallet?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! I looked all over her car- not there! We drove back to the Maverick, where guess what?? Yup, I left my whole wallet sitting on the counter there. Hey, at least I realized it before some scummy tranny came and took it, right? Right? Okay, I am dumb, I admit it! Sorry Gabe, I am sure I have disappointed you again.

Karma sure acted quickly on that one, DANG!!

And the Bathroom will stay Purple....for now...

Ummmm, someone hit me over the head! I had a brilliant vision, do you hear me, a brilliant vision of a purple bathroom. It was to be my sanctuary where I could take a bath surrounded by lavender loveliness.

Well, Fuck me! I got done painting last night and I said to myself, "Dang pretty, I really like my purple bathroom" Well, this morning I saw it and HOLY SHIT!! What was I thinking?? It does not resemble the beautiful paint sample what so ever!! Why, why, why, why do you lie to me paint sample?? When I want the perfect shade of purple, why do you tease me by going on my wall as a sick shade of purple only a little preschooler would wear on picture day? NOT PRETTY!!

The votes are in-

Gabe- Keep It (but he's color blind!!)
Dad- Keep It
Corrie- Keep It
Mom- Maybe it looks better in the light. If not, change it.
Kimberli- Keep It
Me- I guess I will keep it and pray it looks better once the rest of the bathroom is done.

I want to cry.....

Happy Birthday to.......ME!!!!!

Today is my Birthday.

It is funny how as you get older you don't get that excited feeling the whole day like you did as a kid. Well, at least I don't. I had a pretty eventful day though. It started out by going to Weight Watchers for my weekly weigh in. I lost 1.8 pounds, which was a miracle considering the bottle of Merlot I polished off last night with some Garlic Cheese Sticks. DANG!! Next, it was off to the house to start painting. It took 3 of us about 5 1/2 hours to paint 2 bathrooms, but they look great. The kids bathroom is this amazing shade of blue that is unbelievably calming. The master bathroom is purple. Purple you say? That's right, I said purple......purple, purple, PURPLE!! It is a little bit brighter than what I was originally going for, but I think it looks great. Thank God Gabe is color blind! He does not care if I paint our room and bathroom purple. Not all guys would be down for that!!

After that I went on a quick shopping trip where I got me a new head band with skulls on it. Very feminine, very pretty. Then we met the family at Buca di Beppo where we celebrated mine and Nikki's Birthdays together. I tried Calamari and breaded baby octopus for the first time. Not bad, fry anything and chances are I will at least try it. Zane liked it, but he doesn't know what it is, he has no prejudgement of what it will taste like. Gabe had to leave for work during dinner, which made me sad. I knew he would need to leave for work, but I didn't want him to go. Oh well, I know he would much rather be with me than at work, but dem de breaks! After dinner we went to Coldstone and I am pretty sure I gained back the 1.8 pounds I lost this morning.

Favorite Quotes Today:

It's my Birthday, wanna spank me?
Can I have some more Merlot? It's my Birthday and I would like some more Merlot...
Have you found your keys?
Be nice to my knee, it is my knees Birthday too!

That's all for me......
Peace I'm outta here!!

Family Pictures (Take 2)

It must have ran out of space before the boys were added.

Family Pictures

I do not want to hear one remark about my bangs, do you understand!!

Enjoy!!

Go Vote, and a Birthday Wish

I voted this morning. They have the new electronic voting machines, so I thought I better hurry and get there early because it was going to be a mess. I couldn't have been more wrong. I was in and out with no problems what so ever!! I did accident vote for someone I didn't want to, but I hurried and read the instructions on how to back it out, so it was easily corrected. So, follow my lead and go vote if you haven't already!!

Last, but not least.....HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIKKI!! You are truly one of my favorite people in this world, and you have been more of an inspiration in my life than you will know. You are a great person who deserves great things in life! My birthday wish for you is that the democrats will regain control of the house so our government will stop this downward spiral it is in. I hope it will come true, really I do!! I love you, and I can't wait for our girls night. It will most assuredly be a rad ass time!!

'Ass'lice in Wonderland

Ahhhh, they grow up so quickly, don't they??

Here's Cydney, being the all too familiar scantly clad slutty girl for Halloween. It really isn't her fault, she wanted to go as a charming story book character, but somehow her dress was just screaming, "Come look at my hot ass!!"

Hey, if I had a hot bod, Halloween would be everyday. I would be the girl who dresses horrish, showing off my amazing cleavage and my tight butt, purposely dropping things on the floor just to earn a free drink.

A girl can only dream, can't she??

Worst day.....EVER!!

I am having a shitty day.

I have lost my make-up bag. The one containing over $300.00 worth of MAC make-up. GONE! I have searched high and low. I have no idea where it is. My guess is it fell out of Gabe's truck and I didn't notice. Someone came by, picked it up and totally scored with my loss.

I got a new haircut. It cost $120.00. I do not like to spend money on myself for anything other than shoes, so this freaked me out!!

I am suppose to get family pictures tomorrow. Hmmm, no make-up and a new hair cut are not going to make for the best pictures. I made this appointment weeks ago with the idea in my head that I was going to look sooooo much better than I do. Well, I am still a 'blob of gross'.

Bad day, BAAAAAD, BAAAAAD DAY!!

There are many other things going on like stress at work and a two year old with a fever, but hey, so is life.

Buck up little camper, we will climb this mountain together!!

Favorite Joke

This weekend I took Addie and some friends to a Haunted House. While in the truck they were telling some jokes. Well, her friend Alec told the funniest joke I have ever heard....Here it goes....

There were two muffins side by side in an oven.

One muffin looks at the other muffin and says,
"It sure is getting hot in here"

The other muffin looks at the other muffin and says,
"AHHHHHHH,..... TALKING MUFFIN!!"

It is seriously the funniest joke I have ever heard. If you don't think so, get help immediately!!